


Familiarity

by cynicalrecluse



Series: Security [2]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Comfort, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hurt Mo Guan Shan, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, Sweet He Tian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:29:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalrecluse/pseuds/cynicalrecluse
Summary: - ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE - As Mo Guan Shan and He Tian begin to get closer, Mo questions if what he feels for He Tian is as platonic as he thinks. But before he can act upon his emotions, secrets are exposed and friendships are put to the test.





	1. Chapter 1

Mo Guan Shan woke up in the morning with a newfound sense of happiness. At first, he didn’t understand what the feeling in his chest was. But, as he was getting ready to go to school and he didn’t find himself wishing he could go back to bed, he realised that there had been a change within him. Guan Shan didn’t know why or how it happened, he only hoped it would last. Mo Guan Shan didn’t want to feel so burdened anymore.

As Mo walked to school, he thought about the events that played out the past few days. He was amazed at how quickly he had come to terms with himself, although he was still slightly apprehensive, he knew with time that any apprehension would go away. He was aware that he had one specific person to thank for this, He Tian.

Without He Tian, Guan Shan had an inkling that’d he’d be in one hell of a bad place right now. Mo didn’t want to think about that. He had been dealing with so much for so long, and he still was, he didn’t want to imagine what it’d be like if it got worse instead of better.

Mo Guan Shan rid himself of any negative thoughts and cleared his head as he reached the front gates of his school. He was about to walk through them when he felt a heavy arm rest itself on him. “Little Mo~ How nice to see you,” He Tian spoke cheerily.

Mo was surprised when he felt his face begin to heat up, ‘why am I blushing?!’ Mo wondered. He told himself it was the heat, ignoring the fact that He Tian’s strong, musky scent was overwhelming all of his senses. He knew he probably looked ridiculous, a bright blush covering his cheeks.

Guan Shan pushed He Tian away, not wanting him to see the effect he had on Mo. “Get off me,” Mo Guan Shan spat with fake aversion. A look of hurt flashed across Tian’s face so quickly, Mo barely caught it. He Tian put up a smile obviously fake to Mo and laughed. “Mo, are you blushing?” He Tian suggested, trying to tease the redhead.

“Fuck no!” Mo Guan Shan insisted angrily and stalked off to the entrance of the school. He Tian laughed as he jogged to catch up with Mo. Soon enough the bell had gone which signalled the start of classes. Tian left Mo alone to his relief, which would soon develop into disappointment. Mo pretended not to notice the heaviness in his chest.

Classes went by as per usual, the teacher’s droning on and Guan Shan not paying attention in the slightest. It felt like an eternity to Mo before it was finally lunch, he was starving. Mo Guan Shan left class and headed towards the school store to buy a sandwich.

The previous events that morning made Mo think. He Tian had always been one to show skinship with Guan Shan, he didn’t know why it was bothering him all of a sudden. Mo wanted to brush it off and forget about it, but it was a task harder than imagined.

Mo Guan Shan was snapped out of his thoughts when he suddenly saw He Tian in front of him, waving a sandwich in his face. “Mo, I bought you a sandwich~ No cheese, of course,” He Tian sang happily. Mo couldn’t stop the blush creeping up on his cheeks for the second time today, he wondered if he was getting sick.

Normally, Guan Shan would’ve given a snarky reply and stalked off, but there was a strange part of him that told him not to. He couldn’t ignore those thoughts and quickly grabbed the sandwich out of He Tian’s hands, mumbling a quiet, “thanks,” before walking away from He Tian towards the back of the school.

If Mo had stayed one-second longer, he would’ve been witness to the look of utter surprise on He Tian’s face, and then the rare genuine smile. He Tian ran after Guan Shan, in an even better mood now than before.

Mo was walking beside He Tian, Tian’s heavy arm around his shoulders, when a flock of girls surrounded them. “He Tian we were looking all over for you!”

“He Tian do you want to have lunch with us?!” Mo Guan Shan couldn’t think over the continuous shrill voices of the girls. He pulled away from Tian, just to be pulled in even closer. He Tian quickly denied all the girls and walked away, still dragging Mo with him.

Before Mo could stop himself, he was imitating the annoying girls. “He Tian we were looking all over for you! He Tian you’re so amazing! He Tian! He Tian!” Mo spoke, making his voice higher than usual. Guan Shan’s eyes widened when he realised what he just did, but when he expected a punch to the gut, all he heard was Tian’s deep laugh echoing in his ears.

Mo couldn’t stop himself from letting out a slight chuckle when he saw how hard He Tian was laughing. As Tian was calming down, he let out one last laugh. “You’re pretty good at imitations, super accurate,” He Tian commented. Guan Shan repressed a smile, which, unfortunately for him, didn’t work in the slightest.

He Tian was once again surprised that day when he saw the smile on Mo’s face. Tian thought it would’ve been obvious to anyone how cute he was. “Come over after school,” He Tian asked Mo without thinking. To his amazement, Guan Shan quickly agreed without any hesitation. “Okay,” Mo answered.

Just as He Tian was about to speak again, the bell went signalling the end of lunch. “I’ll see you after school,” he spoke and started off towards his class. Mo Guan Shan followed suit and went to his class as well. He was wondering if his voice held too much enthusiasm when he replied.

As Mo was sitting in class, once again not listening to a single word that came out of the teacher’s mouth, he couldn’t stop thinking of one certain boy. Guan Shan and He Tian’s relationship had been quite good recently, he didn’t want to think of when things would go downhill. Mo knew he was in deep now, there was no escape from Tian and that was beginning to scare him. Guan Shan felt something for He Tian and he had no idea what it was, all he knew was that it terrified him.

The rest of class went by slowly and Mo was thankful when it was finally the end of the day. He didn’t want to think that maybe he was feeling excited because of He Tian. Mo exited the school building, soon feeling an arm drape across him. He didn’t have to look to know it was He Tian. No one else would dare to touch Mo Guan Shan, except maybe Jian Yi, but he was crazy.

The walk to He Tian’s apartment was filled with a comfortable silence. Although the longer they walked, the heavier Tian’s arm felt and the stronger his scent seemed to get. Mo was relieved when they finally reached his building, taking the elevator up to his floor. He Tian unlocked his door when they arrived and ushered Mo inside.

Guan Shan took off his shoes and set his bag down at the front door, before wandering further inside. “Want to watch a movie?” He Tian offered. Mo considered the option before agreeing, a movie seemed like a fairly safe bet. “Sure,” Guan Shan muttered.

“I’ll get it set up. You can make some popcorn,” He Tian said as he wandered off to where his TV was set up. Mo went to the kitchen and put some popcorn in the microwave, already knowing where everything was. If he was honest, he knew He Tian’s kitchen better than Tian. He was probably in there more than He Tian anyway.

When it was finished popping, Mo grabbed a bowl and filled it with the popcorn. He walked over to the TV and couch where He Tian was sat waiting for Mo. “What movie do you want to watch?” Tian asked Guan Shan. Mo hummed indifferently and let Tian choose, he didn’t care too much what they watched.

Mo Guan Shan thought the movie was fairly decent, but He Tian ended up falling asleep twenty minutes in. Mo couldn’t help himself as his eyes wandered over to He Tian. Guan Shan wasn’t able to deny that Tian was undeniably attractive, even more so when he didn’t open his mouth. Mo had never really appreciated He Tian’s beauty before, he didn’t have the guts to.

Guan Shan’s hand pushed Tian’s hair out of his eyes before he could think about what he was doing. He quickly retreated his hand, feeling his heartbeat speed up. Mo decided to focus on the movie, and not on the sleeping He Tian right beside him.

Mo’s eyes slowly opened to darkness. ‘Shit, what time is it?’ he wondered. He sat up, a blanket he didn’t remember using pooling to his waist. He didn’t think about it as he reached for his phone from his pocket. Mo knew he was in trouble when he found it was already 10 pm. ‘What am I supposed to do now?’ He wondered. He quickly texted his mother letting her know where he was so she wouldn’t worry. He got a reply suggesting he should stay the night, which he didn’t reply to.

He then realised that He Tian wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Mo slowly stood up, stretching, and walked over to He Tian’s bed, knowing that was the one place he would probably be. Luckily, or unluckily enough, that was exactly where he found him.

Mo Guan Shan knew he couldn’t stay, even if it was already this late, he couldn’t sleep over at He Tians. Mo was about to walk to the door to leave when he felt a hand grip his wrist. “Don’t leave,” Tian mumbled in a husky voice. “It’s too late.”

Mo wanted to argue, he wanted to pull his hand away from He Tian’s and yell at him for not waking him up. But, all he could do was stand there, lifelessly. “Fine. I’ll sleep on the couch,” Mo replied unwillingly. He Tian obviously didn’t agree as he pulled Mo Guan Shan down onto the bed. He fell into a compromising situation, his arms on either side of Tian’s head, their faces incredibly close together, and Mo basically sitting on his crotch.

Mo Guan Shan should’ve moved, he should’ve yelled at He Tian and gotten angry. He was paralysed. His heart was beating extremely fast, so much that he felt like it would completely stop at any second. He could only think about the feeling of Tian’s breath against his face, He Tian’s eyes staring into him, most of all the close proximity.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite comfortable, but this situation could get dangerous if you don’t move,” Tian mumbled in a deep voice. Mo Guan Shan wished he had heard a sense of teasing in his voice, a joking tone at the least, but all he heard was a sense of urgency, seriousness.

Mo quickly got off him, trying his best not to ‘rub’ anywhere too much. He needed some space from He Tian, it was too overwhelming. Of course, He Tian would never allow him that, and he didn’t let Mo escape. He pulled Mo back beside him, so they were facing each other. He Tian’s arm around Guan Shan’s waist and Mo nestled in He Tian’s neck.

“Let go, chicken dick He Tian!” Mo yelled, trying his best to escape Tian’s grasp. He Tian’s response was pulling Mo closer, and it was then that Mo knew he wouldn’t be escaping anytime soon. Guan Shan stopped fighting, giving up, it was no use anyway.

Mo Guan Shan thought his heart was going to give out if it kept going at that pace. As Mo tried to fall asleep, he didn’t think that maybe his feelings might not be as platonic as he thinks. He didn’t think about how He Tian made him feel, how he questioned so much about himself because of him. He didn’t think about how safe and secure he felt in He Tian’s arms nor did he think that was the safest he had ever felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! Sorry it took so long, I had writers block for a while but I pushed through. I’m really excited for you guys to read this, I promise it will have lots of fluff (and also angst I’m sorry this is going to be another roller coaster ride, but it’ll be worth it!) Let me know what you guys think!! I love feedback so much and it gives me motivation to keep writing!! Thank you!! :)
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	2. Chapter 2

Mo Guan Shan slowly opened his eyes to a bright light. ‘What time is it?’ He wondered. Realization hit him and he quickly snapped his neck to look at the boy beside him. He Tian was still peacefully sleeping, chest rising with each intake of breath. Mo quickly got out of bed and wandered over to He Tian’s living room to find his phone.

Mo finally found it a few minutes later, in between two couch cushions. “6:33 am. Still early,” Mo said to himself out loud. School didn’t start for a few more hours so Guan Shan decided to make breakfast. He told himself he wasn’t doing it for He Tian, he was doing it because he was hungry.

Using the limited amount of food he found in the fridge, he decided to make rice noodles. As he was cooking the food, he began worrying about school. Mo didn’t think arriving at school with He Tian would look good. There were enough rumours about them as it is, Mo didn’t want any more accusations thrown his way.

Just as he was digging himself into a hole of dilemmas, Mo Guan Shan felt arms wrap around his waist. “Good morning~” He Tian spoke huskily in Mo’s ear. “What the chicken dick are you doing?! Get away from me!” Guan Shan yelled, his cheeks bright red with a blush.

He Tian laughed and let go of Mo, backing away. It was too early for a fight and they both knew it. “What are you making?” Tian asked.

“Rice noodles,” Mo responded pointedly as he continued cooking. He Tian stood, watching Mo Guan Shan work. Tian had always loved watching Mo cook, Guan Shan looked more peaceful then than he did any other time. Mo never understood He Tian’s interest. At first, he got angry at Tian for only standing there, doing nothing. But, over time, he had grown accustomed to the stare he always felt bore into him while he worked.

Mo Guan Shan quickly finished up, plating the food. They ate in silence, although it wasn’t awkward. There was often silences between them but they were always comfortable. Mo sometimes thought they were even more comfortable than the times when He Tian was running his mouth.

After both of their plates had emptied, Mo began cleaning up while He Tian showered. He was surprised there hadn’t been any teasing that morning so far, normally Tian would take any possible opportunity to pester Mo. He didn’t think much of it as he continued on with his cleaning.

When He Tian had finished showering, he came out of the bathroom in just a towel, which was wrapped loosely around his waist. Mo Guan Shan couldn’t help but ogle at Tian’s muscular body. ‘How is it possible for a teenage boy to look like _that_?!’ Mo wondered in awe. He Tian only smirked, refraining from commenting on Guan Shan’s staring. 

Mo snapped himself out of his trance and found He Tian staring back at him. He then realised Tian was fully aware that Guan Shan was just checking him out. He felt his face get hot and a blush form as he tried to avoid Tian’s eyes.

“Do you wanna shower?” He Tian asked Mo. Guan Shan didn’t particularly want to be naked anywhere in He Tian’s home, but unfortunately, he didn’t have a choice. “There are some towels under the counter,” Tian informed Mo. Guan Shan headed into the bathroom, ignoring He Tian’s long gaze directed at him.

As Mo showered, he let his thoughts drift. He felt something changing within him, he felt new feelings forming. Mo had no idea what any of this meant, it scared him. He didn’t want a recap of his past, and that’s why he had to hide everything he felt. But then, at the same time, Guan Shan didn’t want to hide anymore. Why should he bother hiding anything when he had already accepted himself?

Mo knew very well he still hadn’t fully come to terms with who he was and the fact that he didn’t like girls. He also knew miracles didn’t happen overnight. If you had asked him a month ago, miracles didn’t exist at all. Guan Shan was happy with how far he’d come in such a short amount of time. He didn’t want to rush anything. Especially not whatever it was that he had with He Tian.

Mo Guan Shan felt he’d been in the shower long enough, so he quickly got out and dried himself off, then got dressed in his school uniform. He exited the bathroom to find He Tian smoking a cigarette and staring out the window. _It felt like déjà vu_.

Mo knew they should’ve left soon if they wanted to get to school in time. He was still a little apprehensive about arriving with He Tian, but less so after the reflection he had in the shower. “Are you ready to go?” He Tian asked Mo thoughtfully.

“Yeah,” Guan Shan replied surely. He Tian stubbed out his cigarette and grabbed his bag before walking towards the door and putting his shoes on. Following behind closely, Mo collected his backpack from the entrance and slipped on his shoes as well.

He Tian locked the door behind them and they quickly got on the elevator, taking them down to the main floor. Mo Guan Shan thought He Tian was eerily quiet that morning. At first, it didn’t seem unusual, but now that they had both woken up, he thought it was odd. Normally, he’d be chatting Mo’s ear off.

They exited the elevator as the doors opened and walked through the lobby to exit the building. ‘Still nothing?’ Mo thought as the silence dragged on. He wondered if something had happened, or maybe Tian didn’t want to be seen with Mo Guan Shan coming to school? Guan Shan couldn’t stop his mind from racing with questions he wished he knew the answers to.

As they headed towards their school, Mo couldn’t take it anymore and decided to speak up. “Is something wrong?” Mo asked, trying to sound more annoyed than worried. Guan Shan didn’t look at He Tian, only continued walking with his eyes straight ahead. “What?” He Tian asked, seemingly confused.

Mo Guan Shan’s eyes flew to the boy beside him with confusion. “You’ve been weirdly quiet all morning,” Mo muttered, not liking how worried he sounded. He Tian quickly caught on and an evil smirk spread across his face.

“Are you worried about me, little Mo?~” Tian laughed and swung his arm across Mo’s shoulders, pulling him in close.

“Of course not, chicken dick He Tian!” Mo spat angrily, trying to push Tian away. He Tian only laughed harder, not letting Guan Shan go. Mo eventually stopped struggling and gave in, he knew he couldn’t win against He Tian.

Mo Guan Shan looked up at He Tian to find a real smile on his face, almost big enough to be a grin. Guan Shan’s eyes widened and he quickly looked away. ‘What was that?’ Mo questioned. He felt his heart beating unreasonably fast, and he knew a blush had begun forming on his cheeks. What Guan Shan didn’t know, was why he had been blushing so much lately. _How could all of this happen because of one boy?_

He Tian’s arm didn’t leave Mo’s shoulder for the rest of the journey to their school. Tian’s smile also didn’t leave his face. After a while, they finally arrived at the gates of their school. Luckily, they weren’t late, although Mo Guan Shan was convinced they would be

As they walked through the gates and towards the building, Mo was displeased to see a certain blonde haired boy running towards them, dragging Zhan Zheng Xi along with him. “He Tian! Redhead! Why are you guys arriving at school together?” Jian Yi asked them. Mo Guan Shan tried to escape He Tian’s grip and sneak off, but failed when he instead increased his grip.

“He slept over last night~” He Tian spoke cheerily. Mo’s face blushed and he quickly denied Tian’s outright statement.

“What?! No, I didn’t!” Guan Shan yelled, trying to deny him, while also trying to push him away. Jian Yi smirked and Mo knew he wasn’t getting himself out of this one.

“Oh? How romantic~” Jian Yi teased.

Mo Guan Shan’s blush deepened into a bright red covering his face all the way down to his neck. “Shut up! It’s not like that!” Guan Shan insisted. He Tian laughed, still holding Mo tight against him. “Of course it is! Don’t be embarrassed, little Mo~” Tian purred in Mo’s ear.

“Fuck off!” Mo Guan Shan yelled flustered. He Tian only laughed, not responding. As the four boys kept walking towards the school, Jian Yi made a suggestion. “How about we all play video games after school today at He Tian’s?”

“Okay~” He Tian replied immediately. Jian Yi looked to Zheng Xi for his answer and received an indifferent shrug. Jian Yi knew the only problem would be convincing Mo Guan Shan.

“What about you, redhead?” Jian Yi asked cheerfully. He was expecting a great resistance, but what he was met with was more indifference. “Whatever,” Mo mumbled. Jian Yi was surprised to say the least, what happened to him? Jian Yi thought that maybe Mo was falling for a certain someone.

As soon as Mo saw the looks of utter shock on everyone’s face, he knew he should’ve responded differently. He knew shouldn’t have agreed so easily. Normally, he wouldn’t have been laid back about something like this. He didn’t know why he was suddenly eager to hang out with these idiots. Guan Shan thought maybe it was a certain someone who was changing him. That thought terrified Mo.

The bell suddenly rang and Guan Shan parted ways with the three boys before heading to his classroom. Mo sat through class staring out the window, not bothering to listen to the teacher. He wondered what was happening to him. He wondered why he felt a sense of doom, like something or someone was going to come and take away his newfound sense of content and comfort. That’s what always seemed to happen just as he lowered his guard.

Mo Guan Shan wanted to dismiss everything he was feeling. He wanted to pretend that it wasn’t directed at He Tian and that it didn’t mean anything. Guan Shan did at first, he was buried so deep in denial, it seemed like there wasn’t a way out. But now, Mo was beginning to see light, and he found it terrifying, but also intriguing.

Mo didn’t know if he should hold onto what denial he had left or disregard it. Guan Shan had changed, and he could tell more change was on the horizon, whether it was good or bad was unknown. But, he had never been taught how to deal with internal struggle, so he had to make due with what he’d learned from experience.

Guan Shan’s head began to hurt with all the overthinking he was doing, so he decided to look out the window and watch the clouds float by. He had always loved clouds, they were free and not held back by anything. He wondered what that was like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is shorter. When we get into the action the chapters will be longer though, so don’t worry! Please let me know what you think of this fic so far!! This is going to be a longer fic, most likely with quite a few chapters, so I want to know what you guys think at this point!! As you guys know, I love feedback!!!! Thanks for reading!! :)
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	3. Chapter 3

The school day had gone by incredibly slowly for Mo Guan Shan, it was almost like he was looking forward to hanging out with the three idiots. He quickly dismissed the thought and pretended that he was only going because he didn’t have anything better to do. Guan Shan had been telling himself a lot of lies recently.

After Mo collected his things, he exited the school and found Jian Yi, along with Zhan Zheng Xi, waiting. “Redhead, there you are! Where’s your boyfriend?” Jian Yi yelled as Mo Guan Shan approached them. Mo’s face turned beet red in a matter of seconds and he quickly denied the blonde’s accusations.

“What?! That’s gross! He’s not my boyfriend!” Guan Shan spoke defensively. Almost as if He Tian could sense when Mo was embarrassed, he quickly arrived, completing the group. “Talking about me?~” Tian sang with a smirk.

Jian Yi laughed and started walking towards the gates of the school, arm around Zheng Xi’s shoulders. He Tian followed suit and wrapped his arm around Mo, joining the other two boys. Guan Shan, as per usual, tried to push Tian’s arm off, but with much less motivation than usual. He Tian glanced at Mo Guan Shan, noticing his purposely futile efforts.

The four boys walked together to He Tian’s place, small talk shared between them. Neither Mo nor Zheng Xi joined in the discussions. They didn’t have any interest in small talk, so they kept silent, listening to the conversation between Jian Yi and He Tian.

When they reached He Tian’s apartment, he quickly unlocked the door and let the boys in. They all took off their shoes, along with their bags, and wandered into the large and empty space. Jian Yi jumped onto the couch, laying down. “So, what are we playing?” Jian Yi asked. Zheng Xi had found a bunch of video games which had been thrown astray, and began looking through them.

Mo Guan Shan joined them in the living room, He Tian following close behind. Zheng Xi had decided on an average shooter game, in which you fought on teams, nothing out of the ordinary. He Tian only had two controllers, so Jian Yi and Zheng Xi played first while Mo and Tian watched.

Five minutes into the game Jian Yi was frantically pushing buttons. “Why are you so good at this?!” Jian Yi asked Zheng Xi. He didn’t get a response and instead was dealt a blow that killed him. “Zhan XiXi!” Jian Yi whined. “I demand a rematch!”

“Nope. Who’s playing next,” Zheng Xi said. Jian Yi continued whining, but everyone ignored him. It was decided that He Tian would play against Zheng Xi while Mo started cooking something for everyone to eat. Guan Shan pretended to be spiteful that he had to cook for the boys, but what he wouldn’t admit was that he didn’t mind all too much since he enjoyed cooking. It also gave him a chance to be alone.

Mo Guan Shan decided to make beef stew, seeing as it was his speciality, and also fairly quick and easy. As Mo was cutting the vegetables, Jian Yi joined him in the kitchen and stood, watching him work. It reminded Mo of when He Tian watched him cook.

“So, do you like anyone?” Jian Yi asked Mo. He brought it up very casually, almost like it was just small talk. For some reason, Guan Shan’s heart picked up its pace and he started getting anxious. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Mo wondered.

“No,” Mo Guan Shan replied, hoping to end the conversation. But, Jian Yi wasn’t the type to take ‘no’ for an answer, so he kept pushing. “You can talk to me you know, I won’t tell anyone,” Jian Yi said reassuringly.

Guan Shan knew he shouldn’t tell anyone what he’d been worrying about, questioning. If he was in the right state of mind at that moment, he never would have said a single word. But, he was confused and scared and didn’t know what to think or do. So, he broke his persona, if only for a second. “I just… I don’t know,” Mo mumbled.

Jian Yi seemed to understand, so he decided to offer as much comfort as he could. He wasn’t used to seeing Mo look so vulnerable. “I know what you’re going through. You can always talk to me Redhead, this is a judgement-free zone,” Jian Yi empathized with Mo Guan Shan.

Both of the boys were snapped out of their haze when a certain someone interrupted them. “What are we talking about?~” He Tian spoke cheerily. Mo Guan Shan began worrying, thinking that Tian might have overheard their conversation. He Tian was the last person Mo would’ve wanted to have heard what he’d said. He knew that it was unlikely, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeding off the fears.

Jian Yi quickly covered for Mo, noticing his distraught state. “Mo Guan Shan was just explaining to me what he was cooking~” he sang. He Tian raised an eyebrow, knowing that wasn’t like Mo. Thankfully, he dropped the topic and fixated on another subject.

“When will it be ready, little Mo? I’m hungry~” Tian complained. Guan Shan didn’t reply but brought out four plates onto the counter instead. He quickly plated the food and allowed everyone to grab their own plate. As they ate at He Tian’s dining table, Mo received compliments on his work.

“Redhead, you’re such a good cook!” Jian Yi said. The four boys scarfed down the meal and were quickly finished, not leaving a single spec of food behind. Afterwards, Guan Shan collected the dishes and readied them for washing. Although he didn’t mind doing the cleaning, he still yelled at the other boys to help. “Is anyone going to actually help me?!” Mo asked.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t want anyone thinking they could walk all over him. He didn’t mind doing all the cooking and cleaning, but he knew that if he did it all alone without any complaint, then people would begin to think that they could take advantage of him. He was tired of being taken advantage of his whole life, he couldn’t deal with it anymore.

As Jian Yi played with Zheng Xi, much to Xi’s distaste, He Tian wandered back into the kitchen and helped Mo dry the dishes. “Don’t break anything,” Guan Shan told Tian pointedly. He Tian only smiled at Mo Guan Shan, seemingly happy. Mo ignored his presence and continued on cleaning.

Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi left shortly afterwards, leaving Mo Guan Shan and He Tian alone. Mo had planned on leaving as well when he was done cleaning, he knew Tian couldn’t do it himself. He Tian needed Mo Guan Shan, more than Mo knew.

They finished cleaning fairly quickly and Mo decided that he should leave. His mom would probably begin worrying about him soon. Guan Shan slipped on his shoes and collected his bag at the entrance of He Tian’s apartment. “I’ll walk you to the elevator,” Tian suggested. Mo was too tired to argue, so he let He Tian follow him out into the hallway.

As they waited for the elevator to arrive, Tian spoke up. “You know you can talk to me, right Mo Guan Shan?” He Tian asked, his voice lacking confidence. Mo was caught off guard, their relationship wasn’t exactly one in which they shared their innermost feelings with each other.

Mo didn’t know how to respond, how was he supposed to answer a question like that? Guan Shan was saved when the elevator dinged, the door opening. He stepped inside and pressed the button to close the door, Tian watching him. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Mo offered as the door closed shut.

Mo Guan Shan let out a long breath, the day had sucked all of the energy out of him. He felt slightly guilty for leaving He Tian without an answer, but what was he supposed to say? He Tian should've known by now that Mo wasn’t one to openly share his feelings with people. Guan Shan was used to suppressing everything, not letting any emotion but anger show. He was trying to kick the habit, but like they say, old habits die hard.

The elevator doors opened again and Mo Guan Shan walked through the familiar lobby, leaving the building. A wave of warm air hit Mo, it was almost summer, so it was getting hotter. Mo had always preferred autumn, it wasn’t too cold, nor too hot.

Guan Shan wondered if his mother had already eaten, he hoped she did. Recently, Mo had been slipping up around his mother quite a lot. He wondered if she suspected he was gay with everything he had alluded to accidentally. Maybe he should just come out to her. He was planning on doing it soon anyway.

Mo’s mother had always been a very kind and accepting lady. He would’ve done anything for her, he loved her with his entire heart. Mo wasn’t one who ‘loved’ easily, but his mother was the one exception. If he came out to her, he knew she would be fully accepting and supporting. Mo didn’t like hiding this big of a part of himself from her either.

Mo Guan Shan knew he had to come out to her. He wanted to, he was going to tonight. He would sit her down and tell her. Mo had made up his mind, it was now or never. ‘Okay, I’m going to do this. I’ll be fine,’ he assured himself. Mo Guan Shan had already come out to three people, and even though he had been forced all of those times, he still felt like it counted for something.

As Mo had finally reached his apartment, he shakily unlocked the door and tumbled inside, slipping off his shoes and throwing his bag on the ground. “Guan Shan?” Mo’s mother called. Mo walked into the living room to find his mother watching TV. “Can I talk to you?” Guan Shan asked his mother seriously.

Mo’s mother looked worried as he said that, it wasn’t a usual occurrence for Mo to ask if they could talk so seriously. “Of course, what’s wrong?” She asked him. Mo Guan Shan sat down beside his mother on the couch, turning to face her. He was just going to say it, spit it out. He gripped his sweaty hands into tight fists to stop the shaking, steadied his breathing, and tried his best to calm his heart.

“Mom, I’m gay,” Mo spoke with as much confidence as he could muster. Mo Guan Shan’s mother didn’t look disgusted nor disappointed, she didn’t even seem to bat an eyelash. She simply sat there silently, smiling at Mo Guan Shan, a knowing look in her eyes. She grabbed Mo’s hands, comforting him.

“That’s okay, honey. You know I’m always here for you,” She spoke softly, assuring him. Something in Mo Guan Shan broke when he heard that. It was like all of the worry and pain he had been carrying for so many years had finally been lifted off of his shoulders. ‘It’s okay,’ he thought as he felt a few stray tears slip down his cheeks.

All too soon the tears wouldn’t stop. Sobs wracked through his body as his mother pulled him into her arms, gently tracing circles on his back and whispering comforting words. Mo Guan Shan didn’t know how much he’d needed this, _how much he needed his mom_.

They sat together like that for a while, his mother not letting him go until she knew he was okay. Mo’s mother smiled at him as they parted, she knew how hard this must’ve been for him. But, she was also aware that her son had at least one friend he could always go to.

Mo spent the rest of the evening with his mother, discussing the topic further. He was happy he had a mother who was so understanding, he wouldn’t have wished for anyone else to fill her place. His mother’s reaction was better than he had ever imagined. Although he knew she’d react well, there was still a small part of him that had always worried.

Mo Guan Shan fell asleep very quickly that night, having found a new peace of mind. He wondered why there was still a pit in his stomach, he assumed it was just because he was overwhelmed. Mo didn’t regret coming out to his mother at all, he was incredibly glad he found the strength to do so. _He wished he always had that much strength._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn't super exciting, but I promise next chapter we'll start getting some drama and action. I hope you guys are enjoying this fic so far! I greatly appreciate comments and the like! Thank you all for your support!
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	4. Chapter 4

A few days went by without any unusual events. He Tian always stuck to Mo Guan Shan and Mo getting angry at Tian, like always. Guan Shan had just arrived at school when he felt an arm sneak across his waist, pulling him closer to the culprit. _‘He Tian?’_ Mo wondered. Tian had never done this before, he always had his arm around Mo’s shoulders but never his waist. It felt a lot more intimate than usual.

“Morning, little Mo~” He Tian whispered huskily in Guan Shan’s ear. Mo shivered, feeling Tian’s warmth breath against his ear. Something felt different that day to Mo Guan Shan, he didn’t know what it was, but something definitely wasn’t right.

“Fuck,” Guan Shan spoke, trying to sound disgusted. It came out as whine to Mo’s embarrassment, feeling his face blush with warmth. That was the last response He Tian expected to get from Mo, he was caught off guard. Tian didn’t know Mo could sound so _sensual_. The look on Mo’s face didn’t make it any better either.

Guan Shan, deciding to ignore the weird tension between them and the fact that he just made an absolute fool out of himself, tried to carry on as usual. “Don’t you have somewhere more important to be?” Mo asked exhaustively.

“Nothing is more important than you,” He Tian replied earnestly.

Mo Guan Shan’s face blushed with surprise and embarrassment once again. He wondered what had gotten into Tian, he was never this _flirty_. What made Guan Shan’s heart pound, even more, was the fact that He Tian sounded completely sincere. ‘Did something happen yesterday that I forgot about?’ Mo asked himself, racking his brain for an answer.

Luckily for Guan Shan, the bell rung quickly after that and they parted ways, going to their respective classrooms. During class, Mo couldn’t stop thinking about He Tian. Whatever happened between them that morning, wasn’t something ‘friends’ normally do. _Friends don’t carry that sort of tension._

Mo knew there were feelings growing inside him that he wouldn’t be able to ignore for much longer. He also knew that he wouldn’t last nearly as long as he thought if He Tian kept acting like that. He hoped he was the only one who felt the tension between them. He didn’t want to think that maybe He Tian created it on purpose. _He didn’t want to get his hopes up._

Mo Guan Shan had come a long way in only a few weeks, he was scared that if he asked for much more everything would crash and burn. So, he tried his best to believe the lies he fed himself and disregarded all of his true feelings. He didn’t want to ruin what he had with He Tian. Although Tian was always angering him, he meant a lot more to Mo than anyone knew. Even Mo himself didn’t understand how much he cared for He Tian.

The rest of class flew by with Mo Guan Shan attempting to rid himself of intrusive thoughts, most of his attempts failing. Soon enough, it was lunch. Mo had bought a sandwich and was eating behind the school, as per usual, when he felt someone sit down beside him.

“I was looking all over for you~” He Tian cooed. Guan Shan made a sound in recognition and continued on eating his sandwich, not wanting that morning’s events to play out again. Unfortunately, it was out of his control and if anything the tension was even thicker than before.

Mo felt Tian’s eyes piercing him as he ate. It wasn’t unusual for He Tian to stare at him, but it was quite a bit more intense than usual. Mo Guan Shan had no idea why or what had changed between them. Something was different, not as friendly as it was before. Mo couldn’t find the words to fit what it felt like.

When Mo finished his sandwich, He Tian looked away and started a conversation. “Let me come over today~” he asked. Mo agreed without any hesitation, “okay.” Tian looked surprised but happy that Guan Shan didn’t have to think about his response.

A silence settled between them, the conversation quickly dying. Guan Shan watched He Tian out of the corner of his eye, curiosity getting the best of him. Tian, feeling Mo’s gaze on him, turned his head to meet his eyes. Neither of them broke eye contact, both watching each other intensely. Mo Guan Shan felt like he had been snapped out of a daze when he heard the bell ring.

“See you after school~” He Tian spoke as he collected himself and headed off to his class. Mo followed suit and went to his class as well, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus at all. ‘What just happened?’ Mo thought. Guan Shan couldn’t describe the look he saw on He Tian’s face, he wasn’t able to turn away. _Mo saw want written all over Tian’s face._

The last bit of classes dragged on for what seemed like an eternity to Mo Guan Shan, but nevertheless, he made it through. Unfortunately, it had begun to rain quite heavily and Mo didn’t have an umbrella. He decided on waiting for He Tian in front of the school undercover.

Mo didn’t have to wait long as Tian arrived shortly after, wrapping an arm around Mo’s waist. Guan Shan wondered why He Tian had gone from always having an arm around his shoulders, now to his waist, he didn’t want to know where his hands would go next.

“Do you have an umbrella?” He Tian asked Mo.

“Does it look like I have one?” Guan Shan offered a sarcastic reply. They both stood there, contemplating what to do. It had calmed down a bit, but they would still get soaked to the bone if they were careless. Mo didn’t feel like getting sick, and he was sure He Tian didn’t either.

“Well, it’s not that heavy right now. Let’s make a run for it~” Tian said as he let go of Mo’s waist and instead grabbed his hand, pulling Mo behind him.

“What?! You crazy bastard! We’re going to be running for ages! Let go!” Mo Guan Shan complained, trying to knock some sense into He Tian. Tian only laughed, not caring if he got soaked. He Tian was someone who liked to live in the moment, especially when he was with Mo, so he didn’t think about what he’d do later.

They kept running the whole way, not stopping even once. When they finally reached Mo’s place, He Tian let go of Mo’s hand and tried to catch his breath. Mo, also trying to catch his breath, still found the air to scold Tian.

“You’re fucking insane!” Guan Shan spoke angrily. He Tian burst into laughter, finding their situation funny. Mo wasn’t sure what to do at first, but after watching Tian, he quickly joined in and laughed a bit himself. As they calmed down, He Tian smiled at Mo, and suddenly Mo became aware of what was happening. He looked away, blushing and let them into the building.

Leaving a trail of wet footprints behind them, they walked up the stairwell to Mo’s floor. He unlocked his door when they reached his apartment, and they both quickly took their shoes off and dropped their bags.

“You can borrow some clothes,” Guan Shan offered as they walked to his room. Mo closed the door behind them when they entered his room and he headed towards his dresser to find some suitable clothes for Tian. He picked out a plain white t-shirt, and some track pants he got as a gift which was too big for him.

“Here,” Mo said as he shoved the clothes in Tian’s direction.

“Thanks~” He Tian replied.

Mo Guan Shan turned around a bit too quickly, catching He Tian taking his shirt off. He should’ve turned around or even just looked away, but Mo was frozen in his place watching Tian. He’d seen He Tian shirtless a countless number of times when they played basketball, but for some reason, it felt different than usual. _It was like he was intoxicated by He Tian._

Tian knew full well what he was doing to Mo Guan Shan. But that only excited him, made him want to tease Mo further. _He wanted to make a mess out of Mo Guan Shan._ If only he knew. Tian took his sweet time changing, making sure Mo was watching every last second of the show.

Mo Guan Shan gulped, ogling at He Tian’s muscular torso. He had no idea how someone his age could have such a body. What was even worse was the fact that droplets of water from Tian’s hair were dripping down his chest. Mo followed their path, not daring to look up and meet He Tian’s eyes.

He Tian put his shirt on soon after, much to Mo’s relief. When Guan Shan realized that he’d just been openly checking Tian out, his face blushed with intense heat. He turned around to avoid He Tian’s penetrating stare and decided to have a bit of his own fun.

He stripped out of his shirt, flinging it into his laundry basket. Mo was sure He Tian was watching him, as he felt Tian’s heavy gaze transfixed on him. Guan Shan ignored what little pride he had left and slowly bent over, reaching into the bottom drawer of his dresser to get a change of clothes. Mo had given He Tian a great view of his ass. Under normal circumstances, Mo wouldn’t have done that in a million years, but he wasn’t about to let Tian win.

Mo Guan Shan could’ve sworn he heard a gasp and a soft, _“fuck,”_ escape He Tian, but he pinned it down to wishful thinking and quickly changed, ignoring the heavy stare he felt from behind him. When he’d finished changing, he turned around only to meet a lustful gaze. The look on He Tian’s face was the last thing he expected to receive. Just as with what happened at lunch, neither of them broke their stare.

But of course, they were interrupted again when there was a knock on Mo’s door. Guan Shan snapped himself out of his trance quickly, looking towards the door. “Come in,” he spoke, assuming it was his mother. The door opened, Mo’s guess correct.

“Student He, how nice to see you!” Mo’s mother chirped.

“It’s always a pleasure~” He Tian sang, his usual facade that Mo hated appearing.

“Will you be staying for dinner?” she asked.

He Tian smiled brightly and replied, “If you don’t mind~”

Mo interrupted their conversation, confused as to why his mother was home. “Why-” he began, but in turn was cut off by his mother. “I got off early,” she answered happily.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone now~” she sang as she left Mo’s room, closing the door behind her. Guan Shan sat down on his bed beside He Tian, clearing his throat. “I came out to my mom a few days ago. Her reaction was good,” Mo said pointedly. He Tian turned his head to face Mo, surprise written all over his face.

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you Guan Shan. That must’ve taken a lot of courage,” Tian spoke softly, sincerity in his voice. Mo Guan Shan didn’t bother hiding the smile on his face and instead aimed it at Tian. “Thank you He Tian. I couldn’t have done this without you,” Mo said.

He Tian had seen more development in Mo Guan Shan the past week than he’d ever seen in anyone. He was so proud of Mo Guan Shan. “I didn’t do anything. It was all you Mo,” He Tian responded, a soft smile on his face.

Mo’s mother knocked on the door, calling them to dinner. Guan Shan noted that they had been interrupted a record number of times today. Both boys got up and headed to the dining room, their stomachs growling with hunger. It didn’t take anyone that long to finish dinner, the boys stuffing their faces with food. Mo’s mother and He Tian filled the silence with small talk.

Mo Guan Shan walked with He Tian after dinner, dropping him off halfway to his apartment. They lived fairly close to each other anyway. As usual, they walked in comfortable silence next to each other. Neither of them felt the need to fill it with unnecessary talking.

Mo stopped at the usual place where they parted. Since he came over frequently, they both knew the place halfway between their buildings. He Tian stopped, turning to face Mo. Words didn’t seem to surface, and suddenly they were locked in another one of their intense stare-offs.

The same look of want decorated He Tian’s face, except this time, his eyes danced between Mo’s eyes and lips. Guan Shan should’ve pushed him away, but he couldn’t find it in him to avert his gaze. Mo told himself he was just imagining all of it, nothing he felt was real.

Those thoughts quickly dispersed when He Tian slowly leaned in, Mo’s back against the wall and He Tian closing him in even further. Guan Shan decided he didn’t want to think anymore. He didn’t want to lose this opportunity. He knew he wasn’t thinking straight, but that didn’t change anything.

Mo Guan Shan leaned in as well, meeting He Tian. Their lips were inches apart, he could feel Tian’s breath against his face. He Tian’s scent was overwhelming, along with his overpowering presence. There was no way Mo could’ve thought with any rationality in that situation. At least, that’s what he told himself later.

Mo, tired of playing games, went to lean in to close the gap but met cold air. Mo’s eyes widened, realizing what just happened. _He Tian pushed him away._ “I’ll see you on Monday,” Tian spoke, an edge in his voice. Guan Shan didn’t move. He simply stood there, regret enveloping him.

 _‘A gay tried to kiss him. He probably thinks I’m disgusting,’_ Mo Guan Shan thought with contempt for himself. _‘What’s wrong with me?!’_

Later that night, as Mo tried to fall asleep, he began questioning everything. He told himself that He Tian wasn’t gay and that he was probably repulsed at the idea of kissing Mo. He told himself that the feeling in his chest wasn’t his heart breaking nor was the pit in his stomach misery. He told himself that he wasn’t thinking straight and that he doesn’t like He Tian. He told himself that he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m actually pretty happy with this chapter, so I hope you guys liked it too! When I said we’d be getting some action next chapter I mean it lol. And I know, I’m sorry. Writing this put me on an emotional roller coaster too, so I understand. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it, I know I enjoyed writing it! Thank you everyone!!!
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	5. Chapter 5

Mo Guan Shan spent his weekend stewing in self-pity. He couldn’t stop thinking about He Tian and the events that played out on Friday. What made everything worse was that Tian didn’t contact Mo at all either. He Tian was always pestering Mo on the weekends: texting, calling, asking him to come over and cook for him or hang out. It was odd of him not too.

This made Guan Shan even more nervous to face He Tian on Monday. He couldn’t stop imagining worst-case scenarios. ‘What if Tian tells everyone I’m gay?! What if he doesn’t even look at me?!’ Mo wanted to have faith in He Tian, but he couldn’t bring himself to trust anyone.

Guan Shan went to school earlier on Monday so he could avoid seeing He Tian. Mo felt a familiar feeling in his chest as he walked the usual path to school, _fear_. His heart was racing and his hands shaking.

‘He Tian promised he wouldn’t tell anyone,’ Mo thought, not knowing if he was one to keep a promise. Walking through the gates of the school, Guan Shan felt an arm swing across his shoulders. At first, it didn’t click in Mo’s mind, but then all of his emotions flooded out in the form of anger.

“What the fuck?! Don’t touch me!” Mo yelled at He Tian, pushing him away so he stumbled back. Tian’s eyes widened when he realized what had just happened. Guan Shan hadn’t pushed him away in so long.

People walking by glanced at Mo with looks of _disgust_. Guan Shan was far too used to it. Although recently, he hadn’t been getting those sort of looks that often because He Tian was always by his side. It seemed like an avalanche of emotions was burying Mo Guan Shan alive.

Everywhere he looked, all he could see was contempt and pity. Maybe he imagined it, but he swore he saw _pain_ on He Tian’s face. _‘I’m the one who’s hurt! I’m the one who should be feeling pain, not you!’_ Mo knew how selfish these thoughts were, yet he couldn’t stop them from racing through his mind.

Guan Shan glanced one last time at Tian before turning around and running away from all the piercing eyes. He ran away from his problems because he didn’t know how to solve them. Mo was running too fast to hear the “Guan Shan!” yelled at him.

Mo Guan Shan locked himself in a bathroom stall before class to calm down. He tried to breathe, but it seemed something was stuck in his throat. _Maybe it was the words he failed to say._ Mo had gotten himself together when the bell rang, so he went to class.

Now having time to think about what happened with rationality, Guan Shan didn’t know why He Tian was pretending like nothing happened. That was what made Mo angry. You can’t just stare at someone all day with so much _lust_ , push them away when you’re about to kiss without so much as an explanation, and then pretend like nothing happened the next time you see them.

Mo could tell He Tian regretted everything that happened Friday. If he didn’t would have addressed the topic. Guan Shan decided he didn’t want to think anymore, so he tried to push all of the thoughts to the back of his mind. In the end, it didn’t work and Mo ended up thinking about nothing but He Tian for the whole class.

Surprisingly enough, lunch arrived with ease and Mo Guan Shan was collecting his things. He was just about to leave the classroom when he spotted He Tian standing at the doorway. Mo assumed he was there for someone else, as he couldn’t find a reason Tian would still want to be around him.

Guan Shan was about to walk past He Tian when a hand grabbed his shoulder. “Where are you going?” Tian asked. “To buy a sandwich,” Mo mumbled, not having it in him to be angry any longer.

“I’ll come with you~” He Tian spoke. 

Mo Guan Shan didn’t argue and instead walked beside Tian to the school store. The hallways were more crowded than usual, so they kept getting split up. He Tian placed a gentle hand on Mo’s lower back, whispering in his ear. “So we don’t lose each other,” he said, voice deep and husky.

Guan Shan shivered, and he felt his face heat up. Mo didn’t know why he was blushing. He also didn’t know why He Tian being so sensual again. After Friday, he thought everything was over. Guan Shan wondered if He Tian was doing this on purpose.

Mo tried to focus, but all he could feel was He Tian’s big, warm hand on his back, dangerously low. _He wanted it to go lower._ Mo’s eyes widened at the thought, ‘where did that come from?!’ He knew if He Tian didn’t move his hand soon, he’d be in trouble.

They reached the school store shortly afterwards, and He Tian removed his hand from Mo’s back, reaching for his wallet. “Wait, what are you doing?” Mo asked confused. “Paying for you~” He Tian sang.

Mo was about to protest, but Tian was already ahead of him. “Just accept it, okay? I don’t want anything from you,” He Tian said, reading Guan Shan’s mind. Mo Guan Shan sighed but didn’t bother trying to argue with him. If Mo was honest, it saved him needed money not having to buy his own lunch, so he was more grateful than he’d admit.

He Tian ordered for him, knowing not to get one with cheese. “Here you go~” Tian said, handing Mo the sandwich. Guan Shan reached for it, mumbling a “thank you.” He Tian was surprised he received thanks, but masked it. “Don’t mention it~”

“Hey, let’s go to the roof,” Tian suggested, leading Mo with a hand on his shoulder. Mo didn’t object and only carried on eating his sandwich. Reaching the roof, they sat down on one of the benches and looked out at the city.

Mo Guan Shan could feel He Tian’s heavy gaze on him. He was beginning to wonder if He Tian really was disgusted by him because if so Mo couldn’t tell. A small part of Guan Shan thought that maybe He Tian didn’t regret what happened Friday. _Maybe He Tian did want Mo Guan Shan._

Mo quickly rid himself of the thoughts. He couldn’t have hope because he’d be torn apart by it in the end. Guan Shan was far too accustomed to false hope. Sensing He Tian’s eyes observing him, Mo moved his head to look back the boy.

The way He Tian looked at him, the way his eyes shone and lips parted, the way Mo’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. It was far too much for Guan Shan to process. _No one had ever looked at him like this before, he didn’t know what it meant._ Mo Guan Shan couldn’t pry his eyes off He Tians. It was Friday all over again but worse, _so much worse._

The bell snapped them out of their trance and soon enough they were parting ways, each going to their respective classroom. As Mo sat in class, he couldn’t help but wonder why He Tian kept sending mixed messages. Guan Shan had his own feelings to figure out, he didn’t have time to analyze Tian’s actions too. Although, that never stopped him.

Mo wanted to believe that He Tian wasn’t just joking. He wanted to believe that He Tian’s actions had meaning that went deeper than the surface. He wanted to believe he was important to He Tian. Of course, reality is harsh and you can’t just trust anyone. So, Mo had to cling on to his cynical ways in fear of being hurt.

After school had ended and Mo finally reached his home, he decided to take a nap as he was exhausted by the day’s events. Recently, his emotions had been running wild and tiring him out even further than he already was. It seemed like the boring days when he was all alone had been so long ago. In reality, it had only been a few weeks, but He Tian was consuming his life at that point. Mo, too tired to think about it any further, flopped down onto his bed and pulled the covers around him in a cocoon.

Mo Guan Shan woke to a light knocking on his door. “Guan Shan, dinner's ready,” called his mom. Mo rubbed his eyes, sitting up. ‘How long did I sleep for?’ he wondered. Mo reached for his phone on his bedside table to find it was already past 7 pm. ‘Must’ve been more tired than I thought,’ Guan Shan observed as he left his room.

Mo’s mother had already served them, so Mo sat down to eat at the table. “How was your day?” Mo’s mother asked. “Okay, how was yours?” Guan Shan replied, carrying the conversation. “Long but good!” She smiled.

They continued eating in silence, the clinking of silverware against plates all to be heard. “How’s student He?” she asked after a while. Mo looked up at her, seeing an underlying motive in his mother’s expression.

“Fine,” He said.

Mo’s mother made a sound of recognition before taking the conversation in another direction. “Are you and student He dating?” she inquired calmly. Mo feeling utter surprise and horror at the question, began choking on his food. He reached for his glass of water quickly, allowing the shock to settle.

“No, definitely not! Why would you think that?” Guan Shan spoke defensively.

“I’m just curious, honey. If you’re not dating then do you like student He?” Mo’s mother replied innocently.

Mo’s face heat up and he didn’t know what to say, so he dodged the question. “He’s not gay! He doesn’t like guys!” Mo said without looking up. Mo’s mother allowed Guan Shan to calm down before speaking up again. She didn’t have to ask to know, but she wanted to hear it from her son’s mouth. Mo’s mother wanted Guan Shan to be able to confide in her.

“Do you know for sure? Has he specifically told you?” she said.

Mo came to a realization because of the question. _He Tian never said anything about being straight._ But how was he supposed to casually ask Tian something like that? ‘You into guys?’ it sounded completely absurd.

“No…” Guan Shan responded.

“Don’t be afraid to talk to him, Guan Shan. Student He is a good person, he won’t get angry at you for asking. I have a feeling you’ll be surprised with the result,” Mo’s mother spoke, trailing off towards the end so Guan Shan couldn’t hear the last part.

Mo Guan Shan simply stared at his mother in awe. _He was so happy she was his mother._ She smiled at him and his features softened. “Thank you,” Mo mumbled. His mother grabbed his hand, squeezing slightly before letting go and continuing to eat. Neither of them bothered to fill the silence after that.

After Guan Shan had finished eating and showering, he laid down on his bed in the darkness of his room. Mo’s mind wandered to when he and Tian first met. He had always hated He Tian. Tian was seemingly perfect, he had money, good looks, a nice body, great grades, and girls always flocked to him. Although he didn’t really care about the girls, he just found them annoying.

At first, He Tian was an utter asshole, but he treated Mo differently than anyone ever else had. Tian didn’t treat him like a delinquent or a charity case. He didn’t seem to feel pity or disgust for Mo Guan Shan. Maybe that was what pulled Guan Shan in. That was probably what hooked him.

As time went on, things changed. Mo never felt like they were friends. There was always a certain tension between them, emotions that weren’t spoken of and actions that had too much meaning. Like when He Tian kissed him, friends don’t kiss each other. Or when He Tian helped him handle the She Li situation, friends don’t go that far for each other. _Especially ones that only began talking a few weeks prior._

The only friendship Mo had ever gotten from He Tian was in the form of support when he found out Mo was gay. And now with this tension between them, Mo knew they weren’t friends. They were so far from friends.

Mo Guan Shan also knew his feelings weren’t platonic. He knew his feelings hadn’t been platonic since their first kiss. _Or maybe it was sooner._ It was like He Tian was trying to make Mo fall in love with him. If he wasn’t Tian never would have kissed Mo or stuck up for him or fucking supported him and _he never would have fucking cared so much about him._

_“I like He Tian,”_ Mo Guan Shan admitted to himself out loud. Guan Shan could feel his heart picking up its pace and he knew his hands were probably shaking. He also knew he was sweating and his head was spinning. _Fuck, he liked He Tian so fucking much._

Mo couldn’t bear to hold his feelings inside any longer. He was never the type able to push down his emotions, but instead, they always came out as anger. Mo wanted to tell He Tian. He knew that this might be the biggest mistake he ever made, but he _needed_ to get this off his chest. Mo told himself he could do it, everything would be okay. _He was terrified._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Yay! I’m sorry lol I bet you’re all suffering. Get ready for _even more angst!!!_ (some fluff too don’t worry) Let me know if you enjoyed it!
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	6. Chapter 6

Mo Guan Shan had gotten no sleep that night. He couldn’t stop thinking about a certain someone. Mo was also planning on confessing that day. Although he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do it anymore since his confidence had disappeared. Mo knew it was false confidence in the first place, anyway.

As he got ready for school, he began panicking. ‘This is a bad idea. He won’t take well to the fact that a fucking guy likes him. Especially a guy like me,’ Mo thought to himself. The closer the time came to leave, the more anxiety ate away at him.

Guan Shan left the house, bag swung across his shoulders. His mother had to leave early that morning for work, so it didn’t help that didn’t have anyone as a distraction. It was only him and his thoughts, which was never good.

Mo knew He Tian would sense something was off with him very quickly. It was odd, but Tian could instantly recognize when Mo wasn’t feeling well. That’s why Guan Shan had to hide his thoughts, or else they would show on his face. Only to He Tian that is.

As Mo Guan Shan neared the school gates he stopped in his place on the sidewalk, feeling his heart rate increase. _‘No, please no. Please don’t do this,’_ he pleaded with himself. Mo took a deep breath and continued towards the gates like he was walking to his death.

Guan Shan was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt the usual arm wrap itself around his shoulders. “Good morning, little Mo~” chirped He Tian. Mo’s heartbeat didn’t slow down, but he pretended like it was any normal day. Guan Shan pretended he wasn’t gay and that he didn’t like He Tian.

Mo Guan Shan grunted in response to Tian, feeling a heavy gaze on him. “Did you get any sleep last night? You look tired,” He Tian commented. Mo knew Tian would recognize that something was wrong pretty quickly, but Mo didn’t expect it to be that quick.

Guan Shan grunted again, not ready to handle He Tian yet. They continued walking in silence towards the school, the laughter of other kids the only thing to be heard. They parted ways when they reached the inside of the building as their classes were on opposite sides of the school. Mo Guan Shan was very thankful for this at that moment.

Mo spent the entirety of class thinking about He Tian. Guan Shan kept trying to distract himself, he even attempted to listen to what his teacher was saying, but in the end, it was all futile. Mo knew he had to confess at lunch, or else he would never do it and all of his thoughts and feelings would only pile up. Guan Shan was completely terrified of how He Tian would react, but he had decided. Mo Guan Shan would confess to He Tian today, no matter what.

Lunch had finally arrived and Guan Shan was a mess. He’d settled for eating first then confessing later, food was important after all. Mo had gone to the school store to get a sandwich before finding a place in the courtyard to sit down. People rarely went there, so Mo was glad to be alone.

Mo Guan Shan was eating his sandwich when he felt someone sit down beside him. He quickly looked to see who had disturbed him only to find He Tian. ‘Shit, I really thought if I avoided him I’d have an excuse not to confess,’ Guan Shan thought tiredly. Mo continued eating, ignoring the presence beside him. He had to work up the courage before saying anything.

Guan Shan had long finished his lunch, but he couldn’t find it in him to break the silence. It was odd that He Tian wasn’t talking his ear off like usual too, so Mo found himself thinking maybe Tian already knew. He quickly erased the thought. ‘No, no way. He doesn’t know. I have to tell him.’

With newfound courage, Mo looked over at He Tian only to find the boy staring intently at him. Mo Guan Shan’s breath caught in his throat when Tian allowed a small, genuine smile to rest on his face. _‘Is that for me?’_ Mo wondered with great curiosity.

“He Tian, I need to tell you something,” Guan Shan began, directing his gaze to his shoes. He Tian snapped out of his daze and replied. “Of course, what’s wrong?” he asked. Mo could feel his courage withering and all of a sudden he realized he had no idea what he was going to say. Mo ignored his pounding heart and trembling hands. _He could do this._

“We haven’t known each other that long, although it feels like it’s been years. At first, I really hated you,” Mo laughed, reminiscing. “But, as I got to know you I realized that you cared more than you let on.” Guan Shan glanced at He Tian before continuing, an indecipherable look on his face.

“You were the first person who I felt truly cared about me, and not just out of obligation or spite. I know it may not seem like it, but I appreciate that more than I can put into words,” Mo said, pausing slightly. “You can be a real chicken dick, but in the end, I know you’re someone I can rely on.”

Mo Guan Shan hoped that He Tian couldn’t hear his heart pounding. “You finding out I’m gay was terrifying. I’m glad you did though, if you hadn’t, I’m not sure I’d ever have accepted myself,” Guan Shan spoke breathlessly. _‘This is it. I’m going to say it,’_ Mo thought.

“He Tian, I like — ” as soon as Mo was about to confess, he heard a loud bang. It heard like a trash can had fallen over. _‘Fuck! Was someone listening to us?!’_ Mo thought as he got up and raced to find the culprit.

Mo Guan Shan quickly ran to where the sound had come from behind them. Unfortunately, nobody was to be found. ‘How could they run away so quickly?!’ Mo asked himself exasperatedly.

“Fuck!” Mo yelled, kicking over a trash can. He Tian was beside Mo Guan Shan in an instant, placing a hand on his back. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure it was just an animal,” Tian said, trying to calm Mo down. Guan Shan tried to steady his breathing, he knew there was nothing he could do now.

“What were you going to say? You were interrupted,” He Tian said, desperation written all over his face. Mo couldn’t confess now, everything was ruined. Mo Guan Shan sighed, mumbling a dejected “never mind.”

Guan Shan thought he heard He Tian curse under his breath, but he chalked it up to wishful thinking. The bell suddenly rang, breaking the awkward atmosphere. They said their goodbyes and parted ways.

Mo sat in class, dispirited and angry. Although it was obvious what he was going to say next, Mo hoped that He Tian was more clueless than he let on. It was a long shot, but it was the only thing that kept Mo from falling apart.

The rest of classes went by slowly, Mo over thinking every possible thing. As he walked home, he couldn’t stop the thoughts again. He didn’t know what he was thinking. What would confessing earn him? Either a boyfriend or a broken friendship. Mo didn't know if he even wanted a boyfriend. What he did know, was that he couldn’t lose He Tian. If that meant pretending to be friends then so be it.

Mo wondered what it’d be like if he and Tian were boyfriends. Would anything change? What did it mean to ‘date’ someone, anyway? Guan Shan was beginning to realize that he might not be ready to jump into such things. He’d only accepted he was gay recently, and he knew there were still some parts of himself which weren’t fully accepting. Mo didn’t know what to do.

Mo Guan Shan spent his evening trying to distract himself with video games. Luckily, when he was eating dinner with his mom, she didn’t bring up the topic of He Tian. Mo thought she must have sensed that something was wrong. He’d been quieter than usual and his mom knew he wanted to be left alone when he was that quiet.

The long day had taken its toll on Guan Shan, so he was about to go to bed when he heard his phone buzz. Mo grabbed his phone to find that he’d received a message from He Tian. Just when he’d almost gotten him out of his mind too.

He Tian’s message read: “Don’t worry about what happened today. Everything will be okay, I’m here for you no matter what.” Mo felt his chest warm at the message. _He Tian would be the death of him._ Guan Shan liked Tian so much, so much that it was too much for him to handle. Mo wanted him to know. At the same time, the message made him feel a little lonely. Guan Shan was incredibly conflicted. _He Tian had that effect on people, especially on Mo Guan Shan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, let me know, I love reading comments as they make me very happy!!! Just when you guys were expecting a confession, I stab you in the back Ψ(￣∀￣)Ψ continue reading if you want closure ;) But seriously, I'm so thankful to all of you for your support, please continue reading~


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, Mo Guan Shan hadn’t gotten any sleep that night, far too consumed with thoughts of his failed confession. Mo knew he would need a nap after school, he just hoped that the end of the day would arrive quickly.

Going to school, Mo allowed the anxiety to eat away at him. Guan Shan had no idea how he would face He Tian now that he was aware he liked him. His speech yesterday was an unmistakable confession even if he didn’t finish the ‘I like you’ part. Guan Shan had a bad feeling about today.

Mo Guan Shan arrived at the school gates, glad that he didn’t feel the usual arm swing across his shoulders. Mo couldn’t handle He Tian right now. As he walked down the pathway to the school’s entrance, he felt more stares than usual directed at him. As the resident delinquent, he was used to being openly stared at, but not this much. 

It seemed as if eyes followed his every move. Mo gripped the strap of his backpack tighter with nervousness. ‘Why is everyone staring at me?’ Guan Shan thought. Walking by a group of girls, he heard them whispering about him.

“That’s the guy,” one girl said in a loud whisper.

_“How disgusting,”_ another spoke.

Mo Guan Shan’s heart stopped at that word. _Disgusting._ ‘No, no this can’t be happening. No, this is just a dream. Just a dream. Please wake up,’ Mo pleaded with himself. Guan Shan continued walking, trying to calm his shaky breathing.

Mo’s eyes set on their target, the school entrance. The faster he walked, the louder the whispers got. He blocked out all of their voices. But he couldn’t block out the laughter, he couldn’t unsee the fingers pointed at him nor the glares.

Guan Shan couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know what all of this was about. _Someone found out he’s gay._ This was one of his worst nightmares, except it was real. Mo didn’t want to think about who spread the rumours. He’d only hoped it was an outsider because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if he was betrayed by someone close.

Guan Shan had to find He Tian, he would know what was going on. Unfortunately, the bell rang before Mo could act upon his thought and he headed towards his class. A strong desire to skip came over him, but he knew it was already too late. He wouldn’t allow anyone to think of him as weak.

Sitting in class, Mo Guan Shan began thinking about the hell he was about to be put through. It almost didn’t seem real. He wondered when reality would set in. ‘How ironic is this,’ Mo thought. Yesterday, he almost confessed to He Tian. Today, a rumour spread that he was gay. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen.

Lunch arrived after classes finished and Mo grabbed his bag, heading out the door. Mo thought it’d probably be better if he texted He Tian to meet him behind the school, that way they could avoid the stares and whispers. He didn’t want He Tian to get caught up in something that he didn’t ask for.

Although He Tian was an easy person to blame for the rumour spreading, Mo couldn’t bring himself to even _think_ that was what happened. A week ago, he might’ve jumped to conclusions and blamed him. But Mo was finally beginning to realize that He Tian was one of the only people who would always have his back, _no matter what._

Reaching the place behind the school where he told He Tian to meet him, he stopped and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes for a minute. The morning’s events had been too much to handle, his exhaustion was catching up with him.

Mo quickly opened his eyes feeling a presence next to him. _He Tian._ Mo Guan Shan sighed, forgetting why he called him here in the first place. ‘It’s not like he can do anything. Yeah, maybe he’s a big shot and all, _but there are some things that you just can’t fix_ ,’ Mo thought.

“Do you know who spread the rumours?” Mo asked.

“Someone overheard our conversation yesterday, specifically the part when you said you were gay, so they told a bunch of people. You know how quickly rumours spread,” He Tian replied dejectedly. For one of the first times, Tian had no idea what to do. He had grown used to being able to control everything, including people. _Homophobia isn’t something you can control._

“Fuck! I’m such an idiot!” Mo yelled, pacing. He knew there was no way out of this. Unlike the ‘She Li situation’, He Tian couldn’t help him. Jian Yi couldn’t help him. Zhan Zheng Xi couldn’t help him. And if they tried, they would be dragged down with him. _Mo was a lot of things, but he was not a sell-out._

“Mo Guan Shan,” He Tian said. Mo was surprised at the use of his full name but didn’t have time to think about it before he continued. “It’ll be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t leave no matter what. Even if that means going down with you, I’ll gladly sink,” He Tian spoke softly.

Mo was speechless. All he could do was stare at Tian, their eyes never leaving each other. __‘How can someone be so loyal? Especially to someone like me,’ Mo wondered. It was getting to the point that even if Guan Shan wanted to accuse He Tian of wronging him, he wouldn’t ever be able to. Mo was in far too deep, and he was just now understanding that He Tian was right there with him.

Guan Shan, feeling he could trust He Tian, allowed his mask of anger to fall for the first time. Mo rid himself of his usual scowl and glare, his features softening. He Tian’s eyes never left Mo’s face, shock overwhelming him. Tian had never seen Guan Shan without some form of anger masking what he truly felt.

_All he saw on Mo Guan Shan’s face was fear._ It pained He Tian so much; he wanted to protect Mo but he couldn’t. Guan Shan quickly masked his fear with anger again, hearing the bell ring. Sighing, he threw one last glance at He Tian before beginning his walk back to class. He hadn’t eaten anything since morning, but food was the last thing on his mind.

Sitting through class listening to his teacher drone on about something, he couldn’t help but wish he’d skipped. It didn’t help that glares and whispers were constantly thrown at him. Unfortunately for them, Guan Shan lacked the energy to give a fuck. Mo just wanted to go home and have a nap.

As soon as the last bell of the day rang, Mo raced out of the classroom, his bag thrown over his shoulder. Guan Shan didn’t bother trying to stop himself from over thinking as he walked home. He couldn’t stop imagining how everything would be different if he didn’t try to confess yesterday.

Everything would still be okay. No one would know he was gay. He Tian wouldn’t know Mo liked him, they could continue on being ‘friends’. Guan Shan wouldn’t be worried to go to school the next day in fear of what might happen. He wouldn’t feel so pathetic. Everyone would still know him as the ‘delinquent’ and not the ‘disgusting homo’.

Mo had tried convincing himself all day that just because he was gay, didn’t mean he was disgusting. It was hard when people kept calling him that. It was hard because a week ago he thought he was disgusting. It was hard because a small part of himself had always thought he was disgusting, even after ‘accepting himself’. _Acceptance isn’t something you can fake so easily._

Maybe he hadn’t fully accepted himself, but he was on the path towards acceptance. He was even confident enough with his sexuality that he was about to confess to a guy. With time, everything would’ve been okay. Now it wouldn’t be because not only will he have to deal with internalized homophobia but also homophobia from others and that’s a recipe for disaster.

Mo Guan Shan stopped himself from thinking about it any further as he could tell it was going in a dark direction. He couldn’t be weak. Guan Shan had finally arrived at his home, unlocking the door and closing it behind him. He took his shoes off in the entryway, going to his room and throwing his bag on the floor.

Mo flopped down onto his bed, closing his eyes. He knew he should’ve changed out of his uniform but he couldn’t find the energy to get up again. Guan Shan quickly fell asleep, his breathing steady. Mo’s days had been too eventful lately, and he found wasn’t getting enough sleep.

The sound of his mother's voice woke him up. “Guan Shan, dinners ready!” she called. He rubbed his eyes and stretched before getting up. He left his room, closing the door behind him and entered the dining room. The table was already set, and the food was served, so Mo sat down and began eating.

Mo’s mother quickly followed, sitting down and digging in. The sound of cutlery clinking against plates filled the silence. Neither of them were very chatty people, so they got along very well. Mo was thankful to his mother for the distraction from his thoughts, thinking about everything wouldn’t do him any good.

“How was school?” Mo’s mother asked.

“It was fine,” Guan Shan replied shortly.

“How is student He? I haven’t seen him in a while. Tell him to come over and have dinner with us some time,” she said.

Mo was silent for a minute before answering. “He’s okay, just been busy with school. I will,” Guan Shan answered. Mo didn’t want to worry his mother with everything that was happening, he knew he could handle it by himself. After all, he’d been through worse and never had anyone to console him.

“If something happened you can tell me, Guan Shan. I’m always here for you, okay?” Mo’s mother spoke. Mo Guan Shan scolded himself for making her worry as he’d been doing that a lot lately. Guan Shan knew she had more than enough things to worry about.

“I know. Thank you,” Mo replied, his features softening. She smiled at him in return, finishing the last of her food. After they had both finished, Mo cleaned up and washed the dishes before going back to his room.

Guan Shan sat on his bed in the darkness of his room. He didn’t feel like doing anything, but at the same time, he wanted a distraction. Mo wasn’t tired either after his long nap, so going to sleep wasn’t an option. His phone ringing cut off his thoughts. Mo grabbed his phone from his bedside table, not surprised at the name on the screen. What he didn’t recognize was the happiness he felt.

“Hello?” Mo said after answering the phone.

“Hey,” He Tian spoke.

Guan Shan hesitated before offering one of his usual snarky comments. “What do you want?” Mo asked. Normally, He Tian would’ve teased Mo Guan Shan, so Mo was surprised when he offered a serious response.

“How were your classes after lunch?” He Tian said.

Mo sighed, not wanting to remember his school day. Guan Shan wondered if he was asking because he was worried that something might have happened. Although he was tempted, Mo refrained from telling him to “fuck off” as per usual. Mo knew he was genuinely worried, so he figured he should give Tian a proper response after everything that had happened.

“Fine. Nothing I can’t handle,” Mo muttered.

He Tian didn’t respond, the silence dragging out. Their phone calls were often enveloped with silence, neither of them speaking or ending the call. It was odd but Mo had grown to enjoy it. In a way, the silence was comforting.

After a while though, Guan Shan felt worried. ‘What if he hangs up?’ Mo asked himself. The thought scared him for some reason. _He didn’t want him to leave. If he left, then Mo would be alone with no idea what to do._

“My mom said you should come over for dinner sometime,” Mo Guan Shan said quickly, a desperate attempt to save the non-existent conversation. He Tian burst into laughter and Mo felt his heart speed up before relief washed over him. He didn’t quite know why He Tian was laughing, but he was glad.

“Are you sure your mom said that or do you just want to spend more time with me?” He Tian asked cockily.

“Fuck no!” Mo exclaimed.

He Tian laughed before continuing to tease Guan Shan. “No need to be embarrassed Mo. I miss you too. We haven’t been spending enough time together lately~” Tian sang.

“We’ve been spending too much time together you chicken dick!” Mo yelled. They definitely spent too much time together. They saw each other every day at school and a few days out of the week Mo would also come over to cook for him. On the weekends, they’d occasionally hang out and He Tian would always call Guan Shan at night to talk. ‘Yeah, definitely spend too much time together,” Mo thought amused.

He Tian chuckled, allowing the silence to consume them again. It was never awkward between them, even when they just sat in silence with each other. That was something Mo appreciated, he was used to others always being awkward around him so He Tian was refreshing. Although, he’d never admit that.

For quite a while, they just listened to each other’s breathing. Mo felt himself getting tired, but he didn’t want to end the call. Then he would start thinking again and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Don’t you have things to do?” Mo mumbled.

“Talking to you is my only plan for tonight,” He Tian said.

Mo Guan Shan felt a familiar feeling in his chest. _He liked He Tian so much, it was almost painful._ The silence was comforting. So comforting that Mo slowly drifted off to sleep. He Tian didn’t end the call even though he knew both of their phones would be dead in the morning. Listening to Mo’s breathing, He Tian soon fell asleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little hard to write tbh, my little Mo :( I'm sorry guys, I know the angst is real, but you gotta pull through for some fluff! Thank you so much for reading and all the support, I hope you enjoyed~ Please let me know what you think so far!   
> (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)
> 
> Tumblr: cynicalrecluse


	8. Chapter 8

Mo Guan Shan wished he could say that everything calmed down within a few days, but that was far from the truth. It seemed everything was only getting worse and Mo didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t escape the whispers and stares at school. Guan Shan didn’t think it was possible, but he was being isolated even further than he already was.

It seemed every day that passed Mo found ‘disgusting homo’ written on one of his belongings in permanent marker. The writing on his desk was still prominent after what seemed like hours of scrubbing. People refused to go anywhere near him, saying that they didn’t want to “catch what he had.”

Mo Guan Shan tried to fight. He tried to be the delinquent that he truly was, but no one seemed to be intimidated anymore. _“Who could be intimidated by a guy who takes it up the ass?”_ Guan Shan couldn’t forget the echoes of laughter nor could he forget the shame he felt. Every day, all he felt was shame. Mo was ashamed of who he was.

Jian Yi, Zhan Zheng Xi and He Tian always stood by his side, not letting anyone talk bad about him. Of course, this was the worst thing they could do as they would be targeted soon enough. Mo had heard “there’s nothing wrong with being gay,” more times in the past few days than he had in his entire life. It was ironic how it made him think there was something wrong with him. Mo knew the more you say something, the less of an impact it has.

Mo Guan Shan was worried about his friends. He knew people would start isolating Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi any day now. They weren’t popular enough for people to overlook their actions and words. He Tian, on the other hand, was so popular that Mo had no idea if anyone even had the courage to isolate him. Although, people were probably already talking negatively about him behind his back. Mo felt incredibly guilty. They didn’t ask for this. Mo Guan Shan did not want his friends to be hurt because of him, he’d rather take all the pain.

So, Monday morning while Mo was walking to school, he had decided that he would distance himself from the three boys. The thought made a pit form in his stomach and suddenly he was wondering if this was the right decision. Mo had to repeat to himself, “this is for the best.” 

Guan Shan sped up his pace, hoping that today would be an exception and He Tian wouldn’t be waiting for him at the school gates as he arrived. It had become routine for Tian to wait for Mo in the mornings, neither of them commented on the action as they both knew his reasons. If Mo Guan Shan was honest, he was incredibly thankful. When He Tian was around, people tended to leave him alone to an extent. The stares and whispers were a constant, but apart from that, no one did anything.

That would now end. He’d no longer have any protection but himself. Mo couldn’t help but think how pitiful he was, a week ago people would be terrified to make eye contact with him. Now he was relying on He Tian of all people for protection.

Guan Shan had to remind himself why he was doing all of this. _‘To protect my friends.’_ Mo took a deep breath as neared the school entrance. He was earlier than usual, so he hoped He Tian wasn’t there. Tian would probably try to find Mo later on in the day, but Mo didn’t want to think about that right now.

Fortunately enough, He Tian was nowhere to be seen. Mo knew he most likely wouldn’t be as lucky at lunch, so he decided to come up with a plan in class. Walking to the school building alone felt like he was on death row. _‘Was it always this bad in the morning? Oh, wait. I had He Tian by my side then,’_ Mo thought. _‘Better get used to this.’_

Mo was practically the equivalent to an animal on display for everyone's entertainment. Eyes followed his every move. Guan Shan had been glad when the weekend arrived, but its ending brought great fear. He was rightfully scared too, today was already much worse than any other day.

The whispers were screams at him. “Look, it’s the homo!” laughs echoed through his head.

“Get any dick lately?!” he was trembling, wasn’t he?

“Fucking _disgusting_ ,” the tears in his eyes threatened to spill. _‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry,’_ he repeated like a mantra in his head.

Entering his school, he headed towards an unused bathroom on the top floor of the building. No way was he going to class. This solved his He Tian problem too; if Mo wasn’t in class, then he couldn’t find him. Mo Guan Shan knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through the day.

Mo arrived on the top floor of the school, going into the boy’s bathroom. Luckily, he could lock the door so he had the whole room to his himself. _‘How pathetic,’_ he thought. Mo slid down the far wall of the bathroom, pulling his knees into his chest. Never did he think he’d be in this situation.

Guan Shan couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t want to be this weak, he didn’t want to cry. But he knew there was no stopping now. Soon enough, he was sobbing, and it felt like the whole world was coming down around him. 

After what seemed like forever, far after the bell had rung, he was able to calm himself down. Mo Guan Shan didn’t feel like himself. He was supposed to be angry. He was supposed to want to fight. He wasn’t supposed to care about what other people thought of him. He didn’t want to be this sad and pathetic and weak.

Lunch came quickly and Mo was debating what to do. He wanted to skip, but also didn’t want to leave the bathroom. After working up the courage, he got up from his spot on the floor. Looking into the mirror, Guan Shan saw his eyes red from crying. He looked _so tired._ Mo splashed some water on his face, trying to get rid of the redness around his eyes and failing.

‘Whatever,’ Mo thought. He decided on skipping the rest of the day, all he had to do now was make it out of the building with no one seeing him. Mo Guan Shan thought it’d be easiest to leave with the rush of people that filled the hallways at the beginning of lunch. That way, if he kept his head down low enough and blended in with the crowd, he could go unseen.

Guan Shan unzipped his bag, pulling out a hoodie. He put it on and yanked the hood up over his head so it covered his hair. His obnoxiously red hair was the biggest give away after all. He quietly exited the bathroom, bag thrown across his shoulders.

Mo walked out into the frenzy of teenagers in the hallway, allowing himself to be swept away by the crowd. He was able to get to the bottom floor of the school without being seen. The real challenge was outside since there were only a few groups of people scattered around. _An open battlefield._

Guan Shan used the doors at the side of the school, the least used ones. Pulling his hood down further, he began the walk to the school’s fence. He was heading to a certain area in the fence where he could easily slip out, it was also covered with bushes and trees so no one would be able to see him.

As Guan Shan had almost gotten to the fence, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Mo flinched away like he’d been burned and snapped his body around to face the person, only to find He Tian. “It’s okay Mo, it’s just me,” Tian said. ‘Exactly, it’s you. The person I’m trying to avoid.’ Mo thought.

“What are you doing over here?” He Tian asked. It was evident in his voice that Tian knew _precisely_ what Mo was doing, yet pretended to play innocent. Mo had to distance himself from He Tian even if he didn’t want to.

“Fuck off. Mind your own business,” Guan Shan spat at Tian. Mo hoped he was a better actor than he thought. Two weeks ago, this wouldn’t have been out of the usual for Mo Guan Shan to say to He Tian. But they’d grown closer and Mo was aware He Tian could tell with impeccable ease when Mo was faking something. Never did Guan Shan think he’d have to fake anger.

He Tian didn’t appear to be phased, but Mo Guan Shan swore he saw a flash of hurt in his eyes. Mo told himself he was seeing things. Tian suddenly walked towards Mo, an unreadable look on his face, and swung his arm across Mo’s shoulder, pulling him in close. He Tian began dragging Mo away from the fence and Guan Shan knew he was in trouble.

“Come over after school~ Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi are going to come as well,” He Tian said.

Mo knew he had to say the right thing now, he needed to distance himself from the others, not get closer. “Fine,” Guan Shan sighed, playing along. It might be too late to skip now, but Mo could still ditch the guys after school if needed.

“Perfect~” He Tian sang. If Tian was aware of Mo’s plans, he didn’t make it known. The bell rang signalling the end of lunch and Mo sighed, his plans to skip foiled by a certain boy. “I’ll see you after school, little Mo~” He Tian spoke as he walked off in the opposite direction of Guan Shan.

Surprisingly, class was uneventful for Mo Guan Shan. He figured it was because people thought he wasn’t there today as he skipped before lunch. Mo knew he wouldn’t have the same luck tomorrow.

After school, Mo had raced through the hallways to leave before anyone noticed him. Just as he was about to dash through the entrance of the school, he felt a hand pull him back and he stumbled.

“Where do you think you’re going?” a voice said.

Mo Guan Shan looked behind him to find Jian Yi stood with his arms crossed, Zheng Xi not far behind him. _“Shit,”_ Mo cursed under his breath. “Thank god I caught you before you could escape~” Jian Yi said, grabbing Guan Shan’s arm.

Soon enough He Tian had arrived too and Jian Yi let Mo go, knowing the redhead wouldn’t attempt an escape with He Tian around. The walk to He Tian’s place was mostly quiet, Jian Yi and He Tian occasionally conversing.

As they arrived at Tian’s apartment, he unlocked the door and everyone came in, taking off their shoes and throwing their bags to the floor. “Wanna play some video games?” He Tian suggested. Jian Yi agreed and dragged Zheng Xi to look through his games.

Mo didn’t make a move to join them, nor did He Tian. Guan Shan cautiously looked towards Tian, only to find him already staring. They didn’t seem to need words to converse, plenty of thoughts and feelings shared within a single look. Mo hastily snapped his head away, feeling guilty because of his plans.

Mo Guan Shan sighed and joined dumb and dumber in the living room. Although, the living room was basically just a couch and a TV. Mo flopped down onto the couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes for a minute. School was draining all of Mo’s energy, far more than it used to. Guan Shan would even go as far as to say it was draining the life out of him.

Mo watched as He Tian, Jian Yi and Zheng Xi took turns playing the two player game. He Tian only had two game controllers, anyway. When asked if he wanted to play, Mo had simply shaken his head no. Normally this was around the time he was napping in his room. Mo was unable to sleep at night, his head filled with endless thoughts. When he was able to fall asleep, nightmares haunted him.

He Tian’s gaze would often drift over to Mo, he’d been worried about him since lunch. Tian almost had to look away when he saw his red, puffy eyes, obviously from crying, and just how _tired_ he looked. Tian doubted Mo was sleeping. _‘It’s my fault. I should have protected him better,’_ He Tian couldn’t rid himself of thoughts like this. It pained He Tian to see what Mo was going through. It pained him knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Knowing Mo wasn’t up to cooking, He Tian suggested ordering pizza instead. Everyone agreed without hesitation. After finishing eating, they were all lying on the couch. “I can’t believe we ate three entire large pizzas,” Jian Yi mumbled under his breath.

“To be fair, you probably ate an entire pizza by yourself,” He Tian chimed in. Jian Yi groaned in response, earning a laugh from Tian. It felt like they laid on the couch for hours, Jian Yi trying not to vomit for a fair amount of time.

Eventually, their food had settled and Jian Yi was back to being his usual self. Mo wondered how he could be so happy all the time. Guan Shan knew a lot of it was probably a facade, but he couldn’t imagine pretending to that extent. Mo Guan Shan had quite a facade himself as did He Tian and probably even Zheng Xi. But Mo thought Jian Yi was most likely on an entirely different level than all of them.

Suddenly as they were watching TV, Jian Yi turned it off. The boys looked to him confused. “Redhead,” Jian Yi started. Mo could feel his heart rate pick up at being singled out. “I know it may seem like ‘the right thing to do’ but don’t push us away. We’re your friends, we’ll be there for you no matter what,” Jian Yi said.

He paused before continuing. “We will not let you go through this by yourself. So just trust us a bit, okay?” he spoke softly. Guan Shan’s breath caught in his throat as his mind worked to figure out what was going on. He opened his mouth to reply, but the only thing that escaped was a shaky breath.

He looked at Zheng Xi and He Tian, surprised to find both of them nodding their heads in agreement. “Anyway, Zheng Xi and I should probably leave, it’s getting dark,” Jian Yi said and Mo couldn’t help but hear an ulterior motive in his words. They got up from their places on the couch, slipping on their shoes and grabbing their bags before exiting the apartment, He Tian closing the door behind them.

All too soon a tsunami of emotions hit Mo Guan Shan and he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing for the second time that day. He Tian turned around, about to speak, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Mo.

Guan Shan began sobbing, Jian Yi’s words playing in his head. He couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. At that moment, Mo couldn’t bring himself to care that He Tian was there. Suddenly, he felt arms wrap around him and heard a soothing voice in his ear.

“It’s okay, I’m here. You’ll be okay” He Tian spoke.

They stayed like that for a long time, Mo in He Tian’s arms. He didn’t let go even when Mo stopped crying. Didn’t let go even when he stopped shaking. He didn’t want to ever let go. Guan Shan pushed Tian away lightly, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks.

Neither of them spoke a word, He Tian watching Mo Guan Shan and Mo staring at the floor. He knew he should leave, seeing as it was already dark and Mo’s mom was probably worried about him. But, when he went to get up, a hand stopped him.

“Don’t go,” Tian said. “Stay here tonight, it’s too late.”

Mo didn’t have it in him to put up a fight, so he called to tell his mom he was sleeping over at He Tians. He Tian lent him some clothes, which were slightly too big for him.

“Sleep with me,” He Tian spoke softly. Tian was surprised that Mo didn’t put up a fight, simply agreed and followed him to his bed.

Both of them got under the covers, He Tian quickly pulling Mo into his body so they were spooning. Mo Guan Shan was incredibly tired, so tired that he couldn’t bring himself to push Tian away. He Tian’s warmth was exactly what Mo Guan Shan needed at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry that it's been so long since I've updated, I was on vacation and didn't have time to write, then I wasn't feeling well for while :( I know those are all just a lot of excuses though lol. I'm not super confident about this chapter, so let me know what you guys think please!!!!! I love feedback so much, that's why I was able to post this chapter now and not later, because I knew how much you guys were looking forward to it and how patient you were all being. Thank you so much, I hope you enjoyed~


	9. Chapter 9

Mo Guan Shan woke up to the sound of the shower running. As he remembered the events of the previous night, his face blushed in embarrassment. Mo didn’t know what he was thinking when he agreed so easily to sleep with He Tian. It was a moment of weakness which He Tian happened to witness.

Mo hoped that He Tian would be in the shower long enough so he could collect himself. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, the shower turned off. Guan Shan sat up in the bed, preparing to face the other boy. What he wasn’t expecting was for He Tian to come out of the bathroom with a small towel loosely wrapped around his waist.

Guan Shan had seen He Tian shirtless countless number of times, but that didn’t mean it was any less of a sight each time. “Oh, you’re up?” Tian said. If he noticed that Mo was drooling over his half-naked body, he didn’t show it. Mo pried his eyes off He Tians chest before replying. “Y-yeah, I just woke up,” he stuttered.

“There’s enough time for you to shower if you want?” Tian offered, glancing at his phone to check the time.

Mo wasn’t the type of person who showered in the morning, so he settled for just getting dressed. He would shower later tonight, anyway. Neither of them spoke of the previous night as they got ready for school. Guan Shan was thankful that He Tian didn’t bring it up, he wanted to forget about everything.

Soon enough they were already on their way. The journey was quiet; their breathing and soft footsteps filled the space between them. Mo felt braver than usual. He wasn’t fearful of what would happen that day. He knew his friends would always have his back. 

Guan Shan was tired of people pushing him around. Tired of people criticizing him for something he couldn’t change. He wouldn’t let this go on any longer. Mo Guan Shan knew he was the only one who could change anything.

They reached the building with time to spare. As they walked through the gates, He Tian wrapped his arm around Mo’s shoulders, pulling him in close. After yesterday, Guan Shan figured he’d become even clingier than he was before. He had good intentions. Mo knew his friends always had good intentions.

As they walked by groups of people, Mo Guan Shan didn’t fail to catch all the glares and disgusted looks directed at him. What was different this time was that Mo didn’t falter under their stares. He threw glares back at anyone who dared to look his way. Guan Shan could tell that everyone was surprised he wasn’t cowering in fear like he’d been doing before. Mo Guan Shan was finally back to his normal self. If this is what counted as ‘normal’, of course.

He carried on like that through class. Mo had already noticed a change. He heard fewer whispers behind his back, felt fewer stares burning holes through his head, people didn’t approach him. He knew he would be okay. Mo wouldn’t deal with anyone’s shit anymore. He wished that he never lost his fire.

Lunch arrived fairly quickly, and for the first time in a while, uneventfully. Guan Shan was glad all of this was finally over. Now that he was back to his delinquent self, people wouldn’t dare to approach him. One perk of being the resident delinquent. He missed it. At the same time, it was extremely bitter.

As Mo Guan Shan was walking around the back of the school, it felt unusually quiet. Mo carried on walking slowly, not giving it a second thought. His mind was simply playing tricks on him, he was thinking too much.

Mo knew he was wrong when he suddenly heard loud footsteps coming from behind him accompanied by mutters and wolf whistles. Guan Shan furiously snapped his body around only to find a group of familiar people. _The people who used to have his back._ His group of ex-‘friends’ that alienated him when the gay rumours were spread. Mo had distanced himself from them after he started getting closer with He Tian, Jian Yi, and Zheng Xi as well, which he was glad for.

_‘Do they think they have the right to belittle and mock me?!’_ Mo could feel his anger bubbling up and he knew that he wouldn’t hold himself back. _‘They have it coming,’_ Mo Guan Shan thought. They weren’t a large group, only four people. Mo wondered where all the others were and considered that they might be planning a sneak attack on him.

“Oh look, it’s the homo,” one of them called.

“Go fuck yourself,” Mo snapped. He could feel his anger growing rapidly.

The group seemed surprised for a second but swiftly masked it. “Do you think you’re scary?” they laughed. “Someone like you will only ever be pathetic,” Mo wouldn’t be able to restrain himself much longer.

“Are you only fucking talk or are we going to fight?” Guan Shan said.

This seemed to trigger them as they suddenly jumped at Mo like a bunch of monkeys. Mo Guan Shan was caught off guard for a second but collected himself. He knew he could beat all of them with his hands tied behind his back. Guan Shan was always the best fighter out of the delinquents. Most of them were only talk.

Punches and kicks were thrown at him, but he easily avoided them. When he got tired of being on defence, he took action. After all, this was simply self-defence. Guan Shan grabbed the closest boy by the collar and forcefully slammed him against the wall behind them, getting a punch in for good measure. He quickly turned back around to face the others just in time to catch a flying fist aimed at his head. He twisted the boy’s arm and landed a knee to his stomach.

Mo went on like that until all four of them were on the ground, which only took a few more hits. _‘That really wasn’t a challenge at all,’_ Guan Shan thought as he stared down at them. They were terrible at offence and defence. All four of them were fully conscious, but apparently in too much pain to get up.

“You’re a bunch of cowards,” Mo spat at them. “What do you get from trying to beat someone up who hasn’t done anything to you? Someone who is just being themselves? What does it matter if someone is gay?! Why is it any of your fucking concern which gender someone likes?!” none of them responded, hanging their heads in shame.

“Exactly! It fucking isn’t! It isn’t any of your concern so mind your own damn business! Get it through your thick skulls that it doesn’t matter if someone is gay or straight or whatever else! Learn a little fucking respect,” Guan Shan said.

“What is going on here?!” A female voice shrieked. ‘Oh God, it’s the terminator,’ Mo thought. “All of you, to the principal's office. Now!” She yelled, gesturing wildly with her hands. Guan Shan stuffed his hands in his pockets and wondered if he’d be able to get away if he ran fast enough. The four boys on the ground all got up, groaning in the process.

“I don’t have all day!” She screamed impatiently. Mo knew there was no point in trying to run away, everyone knew who he was. He didn’t exactly blend in as an openly gay (not by choice), delinquent, red-head who was friends with He Tian. The principal's office was a familiar place, although he hadn’t been in quite a while.

Of course, in the end, all of them were punished. Fortunately, by some crazy stroke of luck, Mo’s side of the story was believed instead of the others. He had no idea why his story was believed because although it was the truth, it was his word against four others. The thought that maybe they told the truth crossed his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. There was no way they’d be honest in this situation.

Mo was told to go home early and was given a one-day suspension because he “still fought, which is against the school rules.” He thought that was incredibly pointless and stupid, but didn’t complain as he got a day off. The other four boys were all given a two-week suspension.

Mo Guan Shan had already arrived home and was laying in his bed, trying to fall asleep. When he walked home, he had decided that he would have a nap as soon as he made it to his bed. Now that Guan Shan was in his bed, he couldn’t stop thinking. Mo had the best sleep last night in over a week, which he didn’t want to think might be because of He Tian. But, his overall lack of sleep lately was still taking a toll on him. He figured that soon enough his sleep schedule would probably be back to normal since almost everything was sorted out.

Guan Shan knew he would have to tell his mom what had been happening at school. He didn’t want to lie to her. Mo told himself he didn’t tell her because she already had too much on her plate. He figured maybe he was just scared. As Mo Guan Shan thought about how he would tell her, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

The sound of a knock on his door woke him up. “Guan Shan, dinner is ready,” Mo’s mother called. A nervous feeling in his chest rose to the surface as he got out of bed and headed to the dining table. Sitting down, he began picking at his food. “How was your day?” Mo asked, attempting to fill the empty silence with small talk before the conversation got deeper.

“It was good, thank you for asking. How was yours?” She asked. 

Mo looked up from his plate, responding. “I got suspended. Only for one day, though, and they said they wouldn’t put it on my record,” Mo spoke. He didn’t care whether it went on his record, but he thought his mom probably cared more than him.

“I know. The school contacted me,” she spoke. “They said you got into a fight, but it was self-defence.”

Mo Guan Shan told her everything. Everything that happened since his attempted confession to He Tian. He told her about the rumours spreading, about the stares and whispers thrown at him. About all the things people said to his face, about the “disgusting homo” that was written on his desk and how he scrubbed at it for what seemed like hours trying to clean it.

He told her how his friends were always there for him. He told her how he cried in He Tian’s arms and about the courage his friends words gave him. He told her that he was tired of getting pushed around so he fought back. He told her everything was okay now.

Mo didn’t cry because he knew that it was over. Mo’s mother listened intently to his every word, not interrupting him once. Occasionally she would rub her eyes, or squeeze Mo’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Guan Shan said.

“I just hope you know you can always talk to me, Guan Shan. About anything. I will always be here for you,” Mo’s mother spoke.

“I do know. Thank you,” Mo replied.

Guan Shan cleared the table and quickly washed the dishes before going back to his room. As soon as he sat down on his bed, Mo heard his phone ring. He didn’t have to check the caller ID to know who it was.

“He Tian,” Mo said.

“I heard what happened,” He replied.

Mo didn’t understand how He Tian knew, but he figured Tian just had ‘connections’. Guan Shan didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue. “I am so proud of you, Mo Guan Shan,” He Tian said.

Guan Shan was completely surprised at He Tian’s words, he didn’t know what he expected Tian to say but it wasn’t that. “Everything is going to be okay,” he spoke. For once, Mo didn’t need convincing. He knew full well that he’d be okay. He knew that everything would be alright.

“I know.”

Mo could practically see the soft smile on He Tian’s face. The line was silent for a while before He Tian spoke. “We’re hanging out tomorrow,” Tian told Mo. “What? Why? There’s school tomorrow,” Guan Shan had a day off tomorrow, but that didn’t mean He Tian also did.

“I don’t want you to be lonely all by yourself, now do I?” He Tian said.

Guan Shan tried to hold the smile on his face back to no avail. “I won’t be lonely,” Mo said. He Tian’s laugh echoed across the line. “I know you’ll miss me~” Tian sang. Guan Shan felt his face heat up but he was quick to deny the statement. “Who would miss you?!” Guan Shan said.

He Tian only chuckled again, enjoying the conversation. Neither of them spoke as the silence stretched out. Mo Guan Shan was laying on his bed, phone to his ear as he listened to He Tian’s soft breathing. “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” He Tian said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” Mo spoke. Tian almost didn’t hear the confirmation it was so soft. He ended the call, wishing he could talk to Mo Guan Shan all night.

Guan Shan placed his phone beside him before turning back over to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling. There was a familiar feeling in his chest. A feeling that he missed. Mo was so wrapped up in what was happening at school that he hadn’t had time to remember he liked He Tian. Mo knew the feelings were coming back with full force, even stronger than last time.

_“I’m so screwed.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! There aren't that many chapters left, we're getting close to the end, so absorb these chapters thoroughly! Don't forget previous events too, as loose ends will start being wrapped up! Thank you for reading and for supporting me~ I love and appreciate comments so much if you would like to tell me your thoughts!! Watch for the next chapter! Thank you again~


	10. Chapter 10

Mo Guan Shan woke up to a bright light being cast in his room from the window. Wondering what time it was, Mo checked his phone only to find it was already 12 pm. Guan Shan was taken aback when he saw how late it was but figured that he must have needed it. After all, he’d been having trouble sleeping ever since his trouble at school started.

Mo stretched before getting out of bed and headed to the bathroom to have a quick shower. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander as the hot water fell over him. Mo remembered the conversation he had with He Tian the previous night and how he said they were hanging out today. What if he ruined Tian’s plans by sleeping in so late? Mo thought Tian probably would’ve called him by now if he made plans.

Mo felt excitement bubbling up in his chest, but he was also nervous. When did he start liking He Tian so much? They were just hanging out. Nothing was going to happen. Mo Guan Shan briefly wondered what they were going to do together. He figured they’d probably just hang out at He Tian’s or something, the usual.

After Guan Shan finished showering and eating breakfast, he considered texting He Tian to ask if they were still hanging out. He didn’t want to seem desperate though. Just as the thought crossed his mind, a text from He Tian popped up on his screen. It read, “I’m going to pick you up soon. Be ready.” 

Mo considered that He Tian might be a mind reader before replying. He typed a simple, “Okay,” before locking his phone and making sure he was ready to go. Shortly after, a knock on Mo’s front door echoed through the empty house. His mom had left for work early in the morning, as usual.

He quickly walked to the door and opened it to find a smiling He Tian. “Good morning~ Miss me?” Tian said, welcoming himself in Mo’s home. Mo closed the door after He Tian came in and tried to calm his heart down.

“Like anyone would miss you,” Guan Shan mumbled.

He Tian chuckled in response before turning the conversation. “Do you have anything you want to do?” he questioned.

Mo was surprised that He Tian was asking him for input, normally he’d just have to go along with what Tian decided. Or Jian Yi if he and Zheng Xi were with them too. He didn’t have any ideas though, so he allowed He Tian to choose. “No,” Mo said.

He Tian hummed thoughtfully before replying. “How about we go see a movie then?” he suggested. A movie? Isn’t that a stereotypical date? Mo couldn’t stop himself from getting nervous once again. _Was this a date?_ Guan Shan quickly dispersed any hopeful thoughts, they were just hanging out as friends. Nothing more. He Tian didn’t even like him that way. Yeah, no need to be nervous or excited.

“If you’re paying,” Mo shrugged.

He Tian smiled, wrapping an arm around Guan Shan. “Well, let’s go then~” he said while pulling Mo outside. Mo locked the door behind them and they were off.

The walk there was filled with He Tian’s chatter. Mo would sometimes contribute to the conversation, but he mostly listened to He Tian talk. He didn’t mind at all, he’d rather listen than do the talking himself, anyway.

They arrived at the movie theatre fairly quickly, as it wasn’t a long walk. He Tian bought them tickets for some random action movie that was playing, Mo didn’t particularly care. He just liked spending time with He Tian. After they bought popcorn and drinks, they went to their seats.

The movie wasn’t the best, just an average action movie. But, what was more memorable for Mo Guan Shan was when He Tian’s hand found his in the dark and intertwined their fingers sometime during the movie. Mo didn’t pull away when He Tian grabbed his hand, he didn’t even want to question it. Mo simply excused it as close skinship and tried to forget. It was hard when He Tian’s hand lay heavy in his.

They only let go of each other’s hands after the credits started to play. Acting like nothing happened, Mo got up from his seat and followed He Tian out of the theatre. After they were outside, Guan Shan checked his phone to find it was already late afternoon, almost evening.

“Do you wanna come over?” He Tian asked.

Mo lifted his head to look at Tian for a moment before replying. “Okay.”

On the way to He Tian’s place, they chatted about the movie. Neither of them had a lot to say though, as it wasn’t anything special and it wasn’t terrible either. So, the conversation died pretty quickly. The silence didn’t bother either of them.

Soon enough they were at He Tian’s apartment, taking their shoes off at the entrance. “Let’s play some video games~” Tian sang. Mo Guan Shan hummed in response, walking into the living room where the TV was and setting up the game.

Mo didn’t know why, but all of this almost felt too normal. Whenever they hung out before things got complicated at school, they’d go see a movie or play video games and Mo would cook for He Tian. It was a simple, but enjoyable routine. They hadn’t hung out like this, just the two of them, in what felt like forever.

Guan Shan was almost suspicious of He Tian as they played video games into the evening. Was he scheming something? There was no heavy conversations, only the sound of the video game and occasional comments.

They decided to turn the video game off after He Tian heard Mo’s stomach growl. “Hungry?~” he laughed. Mo’s face blushed as he got up from his spot on the couch and headed to the kitchen. Hopefully, He Tian had enough ingredients for him to cook something. As Guan Shan stared at the food in the fridge, he realized that he hadn’t made beef stew for He Tian in the longest time.

Mo began preparing the ingredients as He Tian waltzed into the kitchen. “What are you making?” he questioned.

“Beef stew,” Mo said.

He Tian hummed in response and leaned against the counter, watching Mo cut vegetables. “Where did you learn how to cook?” He Tian asked. Mo was surprised for a moment by the question but recovered quickly.

“My mom. She taught me at a young age. She had to work a lot so learning how to cook was important,” Mo said, allowing himself to overshare a bit. It was He Tian, after all. “But I love cooking,” Mo added.

He Tian watched Mo intently as he danced around the kitchen. Tian felt amazement bubble up in his chest. He couldn’t take his eyes off him, it felt like he would miss something if he did. The feeling didn’t go away, only grew as time passed. Maybe it wasn’t amazement.

Soon enough, dinner was served and they began eating at the table together. He Tian had missed Mo’s beef stew, he hadn’t had it in so long. It tasted even better than he remembered. He Tian loved all of Mo’s cooking though. He didn’t think he could even go a week without it.

After dinner, Mo and He Tian cleaned up and washed the dishes together. He Tian really didn’t want Mo to leave. The feeling in his chest ached when Mo wasn’t with him. He Tian knew he was in far too deep already.

Time seemed to fly by whenever he was with Mo. He wished it didn’t go so fast. Mo told He Tian that he didn’t need to walk him halfway, so he settled for walking him to the door. Mo stood with his back to the door, facing He Tian. He Tian didn’t know what Mo was waiting for as he had already gotten his shoes on.

Almost as if someone had heard He Tian, it felt like time stopped as their eyes met. He Tian couldn’t look away from Mo’s warm eyes. He didn’t want to look away, wanted to memorize every inch of Guan Shan. Neither of them could look away or pull themselves out of the tension.

He Tian slowly stepped forward, caging Mo Guan Shan against the door and leaning in a bit. He didn’t think that he might regret this later, it didn’t matter at that moment. “I really want to kiss you right now,” he whispered, his breath fanning across Mo’s lips.

Mo’s eyes widened for a split second, and the look on his face was far too much for He Tian. He felt like he was melting under Mo’s stare. He Tian leaned in impossibly close, their lips almost grazing each other. Tian’s eyes flickered between Mo’s eyes and his lips. By the time He Tian had exerted all of his self-control, Mo closed the gap between them, their eyes flickering shut.

He Tian couldn’t think straight as he felt Mo’s soft lips against his own. It was a short, soft peck, but it meant the world to both of them. He missed Mo’s lips as soon as they left his, cold air greeting him instead. They had shared kisses before, in unfortunate circumstances, but this time really felt like their first kiss.

Their eyes met for a brief second before Mo looked away, his cheeks a bright shade of pink. “I-I should go,” he stuttered. He Tian mumbled a dazed, “Okay,” before he watched Mo leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long guys, but I had writers block for a while and I wanted to wait until tianshan week was over to post the new chapter! But thank you for reading~~ I know this chapter wasn't super exciting but it will get more interesting next chapter, things are coming to a close and we just have to wrap some things up then this fic is completed!! Thank you everyone for all the support, as always :)


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